Hey I'm Jude Harrison and I'm an addict
by Yoda111
Summary: Instant Star's Jude is going through some rough times she was raped. She never won instant star. watch as she and the rest of the cast go through things like drugs, sex, and abuse.Disclaimer: I do not own instant star.
1. Parks arent as safe as they should be

Jude never went on instant star never met Spiederman Mind Explosion or Tommy. And no one really knows about Jude's love for music because she's to scared to tell them about her songs. Sorry for it being so short!

Disclaimer: I do not own this I barely own my shirt lol.

Buzz Buzz, WAKE UP. BUZZ.

Remind me to throw that alarm clock out the window Jude Harrison thought as she woke up. She had flaming red hair, ocean blue eyes and a unique punk rock style. Jude was not a morning person as many friends and family members knew. Jude got up and decided she was hungry for pop tarts, what else? She was 17 going on 18 in 2 weeks and still couldn't live without pop tarts. She was an almost an adult but a kid at heart don't get me wrong she was really mature for her age but only when the time called for it. She got dressed into her favorite ripped jeans, Beatles t-shirt, and converse and headed downstairs. She lived with her sister Sadie, after her parents got divorced and sort of ditched them, who was like a life sized version of Malibu barbie she was beautiful, had brains, good fashion sense what more could a guy want? Sadie had recently started dating this new guy Kwest he was a great guy he was nice, romantic, and he was a producer for G Major Records which to her she thought was pretty great considering she knew a thing or two about music too. Sadie was pouring herself a cup of coffee when she walked in.

"So Jude how was your night?" Sadie asked pleasantly. I knew she had went to an expensive itallian restaurant with Kwest last night and she got back pretty late so that was probably why she was so happy.

"Okay I guess just hung out with Jaime." she replied nonchalantly.

She grabbed her pop tart and Sadie left to go to her job at G Major as the receptionist that was how her and Kwest had met. Jude was still tired and she had nowhere to go so she decided to go aback to sleep. When she woke up it was 6:15 she decided to go get some coffee and this shop where they played a lot of live music. She loved music a lot, it was her life. The band members were all a bunch of people in their early or mid twenties. Jaime and Kat were busy so she went alone. She was there till 11:00 just listening and trying to relate to their music, it moved her how brave they were to get up there and put themselves at the mercy of others. It was getting late she figured she should walk home. Her house was about a mile away. She was walking past a street it was pretty dark out she had just gotten to the sidewalk by a park when she saw a strong looking guy come up. She couldn't see his face because it was dark but she just kept walking. The park had a lot of trees a playground and didn't have any street lamps on this side of the road. She heard a noise and turned around she saw the guy behind her he was holding a knife. Before she could scream he said, " Hey honey wanna play a little game I don't bite" he laughed.

Jude was so scared she just backed up and began to run he chased after her and tackled her to the ground. She landed on the sand of the playground there. Between a pair of swings and a jungle gym. He covered her mouth with his hand and said "You scream I swear to god I will kill that pretty little face of yours." He removed his hand and she nodded. "Please, don't" she said. He began to ignore her he kissed her and started to remove her clothes. "No,no,no" she said crying tears of sadness but he continued. It hurt so bad for her she was a virgin and this was her first time. Her first time to have sex and she was raped wow she had horrible luck. When he was done he said "You tell anyone about this and I will find out i will kill you and your whole family, got it?" she nodded and he left her there alone and naked to cry about what had just happened on the cold sand.

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	2. I'm putting you in therapy

It took her 15 minutes to realize this wasn't a nightmare she got dressed and walked home crying she was bleeding all the way down her legs and had messed up her jeans. Hopefully that will come out she thought. She walked up to her house realizing Sadie wasn't home, thank god she thought. She ran inside locked the door leaned up against it and fell to the floor sobbing. She lay there unmoving for about 40 minutes until she took a deep breath and went upstairs, she changed out of her clothes and took a shower. She felt wrong and scrubbed her skin until it was red in hopes of washing away the memories. She got out and changed into her plaid pajama bottoms and a black tank top. She picked up the clothes from last night and put them into a bag and hid it in the air vent. NO one would ever look in an air vent and plus she'd been hiding stuff in there since forever joints she wasn't aloud to smoke, cigarettes, vodka, and razors from her days of being a cutter. Jude was a certified wild child which is kinda hard to believe considering she's a virgin- WAS a virgin she thought. As soon as she was done she hit the lights and went to lay down she couldn't sleep but she ended up crying herself to sleep an hour or so later.

"You tell anyone about this and I will find out i will kill you and your whole family" "NO,NO please don't" she screamed. She saw the man walking up to her in her bed.. He grabbed her arm and began to kiss her like he did at the park. Jude burst open her eyes and realized she was in her room alone. It was just a dream she thought, just a dream. She breathed a sigh of relief that he didn't know where she lived. He had already raped her maybe that was all he wanted she thought maybe she'll never see him again. She looked at the clock 11:30 am. Time for her to get dressed. After she was finished with that she decided to go to Jaime's.

"Hey, want to hang out?" she asked when he opened the door. He nodded and walked outside. "Let's go to the park" he suggested. She was a little bit tense at the idea but followed when they got there she saw where she had been raped there were still a few blood spots as if someone wanted her to never forget what happened not that she could. Jaime spotted them and said "Some little kid must have got hurt and bleed all over the sand" he walked away from it. Jude could not handle it, it was like it was staring at her waiting for her to crack. She spun around to Jaime who was eyeing her suspiciously. " Jaime I completely forgot Sadie wanted to meet me for lunch I have to go." she said anxiously hoping he wouldn't notice it was a lie. He nodded and said later. " I'll call you okay" and then she ran away as fast as she could and never looking back afraid if she did the eyes of the man would appear. She ran up stairs and straight to the bathroom. She opened the medicine cabinet and found them. Right after her mom had found out about her dad's cheating she had went to see a therapist who had prescribed her anti-depressants apparently she had forgotten them. Jude grabbed them and got one out and swallowed it. She took the rest and put them in the air vent. Shortly after they made her feel better she went downstairs and got a beer. She chugged it down in a few minutes. She decided to go out partying what better stuff did she have to do? She grabbed her coat and went to a bar. She ordered a seven and seven using her fake id that she had gotten from Brad her old ex-boyfriend he wanted to go to clubs with her so he gave it to her she hadn't used it since they broke up but it would come in handy. She got the drink and swiftly drank it and asked for a shot of vodka. She kept doing shots until she was almost thoroughly drunk which was about 3 shots later. She noticed a guy come up and started talking to her but by that time she was already drunk and couldn't remember what he looked like.

Ow ow! Jude Harrison clutched her head as it pounded angrily. What did I do last night she thought? All of a sudden she heard the shower going she jumped out of bed and looked around she was in a place she'd never seen before. oh god oh god oh god she thought she probably got drunk and had sex with someone. She looked around the place and sure enough her clothes were laying all over the floor she sprinted to them and got dressed she had just finished and grabbed her bag when the guy came out of the bathroom. He was tall probably 6 foot had blonde hair and green eyes his hair was slightly wet from the shower and he was wearing an American eagle shirt with anchor blue jeans. He smiled at her and she said "hey, I have to go". He waved goodbye and she walked out of the apartment as fast as possible. She then realized what had happen a few days ago. She was raped she had hoped if she had gotten drunk and had a one night stand with someone she would be able to forget but she was wrong it was still burned into her mind like a scar. She needed a drink she thought. Suddenly she heard a beep she looked at her purse and remembered her phone. She looked at it 6 missed calls from Sadie and 2 from Kat and Jaime each. She walked up her driveway and went in the door Sadie was sitting at the table which was unusual since she was supposed to be at work. "JUDE!" she yelled. "Where the hell were you I was worried I even stayed home to see if you were okay?!" "I woke up early and went for a walk" I said. "hah yeah right like you went for a walk Jude do I look like I was born yesterday?" she asked still enraged. "no" I said she had caught me I need to think of some better excuses. "Don't you ever do that again Jude and when I get back from work we will be discussing where you were all night because I just happen to know you don't have a boyfriend and you weren't at Kat's. We'll talk about this later, bye." and then she disappeared in a flurry of blonde and Gucci. I sighed and went upstairs. Damn, I need to think of a good excuse she thought.

I felt so sad so broken down. I went to my room opened the vent and grabbed the pills, the vodka, and a few razors. First I took the razors and lifted up my skirt and in on the side of my leg I cut 3 slashes in my skin. Blood immeadiatly poored out I wiped it off with a kleenex and grabbed the vodka and pills. I took to anti-depressants and used the vodka to swallow them I drank a few more swigs then I placed it all back in the vent. Man, I need a drink I thought and headed to the bar like before. I did this everyday for the next 6 days cut, drink, pop pills, and have one night stands it was better than dealing with the truth besides the fact that Sadie was on my ass all day.

"Jude, how are you?" I turned around to see Sadie with Kwest, Jaime and Kat; Kwest was the one speaking. They all looked deeply concerned and scared for her "What is this an intervention" I asked."

"That is exactly what this is," Sadie said.

"For what, I'm fine" I said aloud.

"Jude your not fine you're ditching your friends staying out late coming back early in the morning and Jaime said he even saw a bunch of little cuts on your legs. What is going on Jude?" I glared at Jaime what kind of friend rats you out?

" Nothing I'm perfectly fine" I said.

" Jude I want you to come to work with me I'm worried about you we all are." Sadie said looking concerned.

"okay" I said knowing she would force me if I argued. She smiled. We drove off to G Major with kwest and Sadie in the front and me in the back of the car. When, we got there Sadie told me to just sit on the couch till she was done. She was busy but I noticed every so often she would look my direction to make sure I was still there. Then a bald guy with coffee colored skin and piercing brown eyes called her into his office the secone the door closed I ran for it. Luckilly I'd asked to go get my coat and I had grabbed "my Id". I ran to the nearest bar and through back a few  
beers.

Not as fast as before though it was only 5 o'clock. By 10 she suffiecently hammered and was going to leave when a guy walked up to her and began to talk to her they ended up going back to his place and had sex but as she was doing it she could still see the images in her head of that guy at the park she almost cried.

When she woke up he was still asleep. She got dressed and grabbed her purse. Inside she saw her cell phone blinking. She looked at it 15 missed calls 8 from Saide and the rest from Kwest, Kat, and Jaime. She ignored the phone and grabbed the anti-depressents and vodka. she counted out six pills more than she normally had but she could feel that she would need them for when she got home and swigged it down with vodka.

"Don't you think that's a lot of pills for one morning? And should you really mix that with vodka?" she turned around and saw the dreamy guy from last night. He had brown hair and liquid blue eyes and he was still laying on the bed. "

What are you my dad" she answered him..

"No but I don't think that's safe. Why do you do it? You don't seem like you need those."

"One you don't know me and two I find it's a lot easier to deal with life when your drunk. I have to split" she replied.

"Wait," he said "what's your name?".

"jude" "Tommy". And with that she left. He wondered if she had recognized him and just didn't awknowledge it so she wouldn't be prying. She walked out of the house thinking of his adorable eyes. He was great except the dad like qualities. She headed for home and saw Sadie rush outside when she saw her. She began yelling at her but Jude was allready to messed up to care and walked inside.

"THAT'S IT I'M PUTTING YOU IN THERAPY!" Sadie yelled. But Jude just brushed it off and took another swig. It was going to be a long day.

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	3. no one ever looks inside a vent

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing thanks! Review, Review, Review!

Therapy? Hah! Yeah right

Therapy? Nah, she wouldn't put me in therapy I doubt she could afford it. Besides I just wouldn't go. She could drop me off and I'd leave a perfect lose, lose situation. She can't make me do any thing I'm turning 18 in like a week. She isn't the boss of me. I refuse to talk to some no it all doctor who is going to ask me how I feel like every second. Ughh they always think they know everything. She had nothing to do so she grabbed her guitar and began strumming absent mindlessly. All of a sudden she felt inspired and grabbed her journal to write these lyrics down after like 2 hours and two more pills she was finished. What she ended up with was okay she thought not perfect just there.

How I feel

I know how this song must look

Like a picture ripped from a storybook  
I got it easy I got it made  
There's a golden road laid out before me  
Everyone how they adore me like a diamond  
In the sun

you just waste your breath  
Asking me how I feel today  
Do you really wanna know

I'm completely unconnected  
Constantly rejected  
Like everything I've ever loved is coming down  
I'm drowning in emotion  
In the middle of the ocean  
Never knowing when it's over and I'm going down  
That's how I feel

I know I signed up for this game  
Where everybody knows my name  
And they own a little piece of me  
My happiness fell off the track  
And I'd do anything to get it back  
Give this all I'd give this all away

Did you just waste your breath  
Asking me how I feel today  
Is that a place you wanna go

I'm completely unconnected  
Constantly rejected  
Like everything I've ever loved is coming down  
I'm drowning in emotion  
In the middle of the ocean  
Never knowing when it's over and I'm going down

Then you see me  
You say you don't even know me  
Couldn't pick me out of a lineup  
The girl you know is so far gone  
And I'm in hiding  
Living life undercover  
Smiling face for the camera  
Well I'm not longing for this world  
Oh oh oh

I'm completely unconnected  
Constantly rejected  
Like everything I've ever loved is coming down  
I'm drowning in emotion  
In the middle of the ocean  
Never knowing when it's over and I'm going down  
That's how I feel

When you see me  
Say you don't even know me

She sighed. For some reason she wanted to take Tommy's advice and not take the pills and all butshe was just so sad. She looked out the window. She saw Jaime and Kat they were standing in Jaime's driveway and making out. They looked so happy. She saw Jaime put a protective arm around her, kiss her on the forehead. Then she saw him say something he could just barely make it out.

I love you.

Jaime told Kat he loved her. She looked ecstatic and said the same she saw them smiling and Jaime lead Kat inside. I wish I had that she thought. No one loves me. I'm going to die alone and with that she ran to the vent spilled the last 20 or so pills into her hand and swallowed all of the with vodka. She closed the vent then all of a sudden passed out. Then she was convulsing on the floor in a seizure.


	4. Seizures arent as fun as they may sound

"Jude!" Sadie yelled. She ran upstairs to Jude's room and saw her on the floor in a seizure when she saw the pills she screamed "Oh my god!" and called an ambulance. Sadie cried until they got there she dialed Kwest, Kat, and Jaime and told them to get to the hospital immediately. When Kat and Jaime got there they looked flustered as if they had just went jogging but Sadie didn't say anything she just explained what happened and hoped for her sister.

Kwest arrived nearly ten minutes after Kat and Jaime he attempted to comfort Sadie but no such luck. About thirty minutes later the doctor came in. "Are you with Jude Harrison," they nodded "She had her stomach pumped, swallowed quite a bit of drugs but she's stable now. We would like to keep her over night to watch her but you can go see her now," he replied. They rushed to her room. She layed on the bed in that hideous gown she looked so fragile. "Sadie? Sadie I'm sorry." "Jude I know we're going to get you some help." they both smiled wearily at each other.

Jude stayed the night there but in the morning she left. Sadie had scheduled for her to have therapy once a week until they saw improvement. She also wanted her to go to work with her everyday to make sure Jude wouldn't relapse and start becoming an alcoholic or even find more drugs. But with Sadie running around doing all kinds of things for her boss Darius she didn't have time to watch Jude so instead she decided Kwest should watch her all he really does is stay in like one place anyways. Kwest didn't mind since he had begun dating Sadie him and Jude had gotten close and she was like his little sister.

When Jude got to G Major she saw him alone in studio A. When she walked in he smiled.

"Hey Jude, haha sorry honest mistake (referring to the Beatles hit Hey Jude) How're you holdin up?"

"Fine, it's so hard you know? I just feel like a piece of me is gone now that I can't drink." She said.

"It's understandable. I mean you became an alcoholic. But what I don't get is why it was like one day a switch was just flipped and you freaked. Why did you turn drugs and alcohol Jude?" he asked baffled.

"I can't talk about Kwest I just can't I'm not ready." She said flatly. "Okay but if you ever need me I'm here" he smiled. Just then Kwest's long time friend Tommy walked in.

"hey man you ready to get to work?" he asked while reading a piece of paper. "Sure man let's go" he replied. Tommy looked up and noticed a redhead laying on the seat at the back of the booth she looked familiar. Jude turned around to see who it was and was shocked to see him. "Jude?" asked someone vaguely familiar.


	5. Relapsing is so much better

DISCLAIMER: I don't own this

"Jude?" Tommy asked confused. "Tommy?" she was just as puzzled. "What are you doing here?" he asked. "I'm with Kwest for a personal reasons" she stated. "How do you two know each other?" Jude not wanting Kwest to know why she was always coming in so late replied, "I ran into him at the grocery store and we exchanged names." Tommy was wondering why she lied but played along. "Jude you don't go to the store" Kwest protested. "Kwest, we were out of pop tarts as simple as that," Jude said. Kwest knew she was lying Sadie had bought a big pack of pop tarts last month and they were still there but he decided to talk to her later.

Tommy wondered why she was there she seems reluctant to say why just "Personal Reasons". It was good to see her but it was weird since every time he saw her she was on something drugs alcohol she seemed sober now.

"Yeah, Tom she's going to be here just about everyday for awhile, hope you don't mind." he said feeling kinda bad he had forgotten to mention it to his best friend. Tom was surprised this could get messy he hoped Jude knew that night was a one time thing and didn't start acting like a possessive girlfriend. Jude got up Kwest looked at her checking to see if she was going to make a run for it.

Tommy's POV

"Kwest, relax just going to the bathroom. I don't have my id on me. Don't believe? Frisk me" she said annoyed and kind of overjoyed at him being overprotective. Tommy saw how Kwest looked when she got up it was like he was going to tackle her. He nodded and she left. I wondered what that was about.

"Kwest what's going on man? Why did you just almost tackle her?" he asked.

"Don't say anything but Jude had a problem a while back all of a sudden she just started drinking a lot and staying out late no one new what happened one minute she was fine and the next she freaked. She was off for awhile wouldn't talk to anyone always drunk and then one day Sadie her sister came home and found her on the floor having a seizure almost killed herself. Sadie doesn't think it was suicide but I don't know man she's been off lately. Apparently she downed a whole bottle of anti-depressants. She won't say why and the last time we took her here to watch her she ran off when no one was looking." Tommy couldn't believe it wow she actually did that? He wondered what had messed her up?

"Ugh Kwest how long you think it takes to go to the bathroom it has been twenty minutes" he said looking at his friend. Kwest freaked. He told Sadie and she checked the bathroom she was gone. Tommy told them that he would help them find her. So he decided to go to the bar he had met her at.

Jude's POV

I had just walked out of the bathroom when I heard Kwest telling Tommy my story. "...found her on the floor having a seizure almost killed herself. Sadie doesn't think it was suicide but I don't know man" Jude was hurt how could Kwest think she would try to kill herself he was one of her best friends. If he didn't believe in her then she didn't need him. What she needed was a drink she had brought her id in case and knew Kwest wouldn't really check her. She ran out the door as fast as possible tears stinging her eyes. She headed for the bar. Relapsing feels so much better than recovering.

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	6. Who cares if im a fucken alcoholic?

DISCLAIMER: I do not own this so yeah

Jude's POV

Jude took another swig of her margarita. Man, she really needed that drink who cared if she was a fucken alcoholic. What she really wished she had was those pill. Why did she have to be retarded and down all of them at once? She wasn't really drunk yet but she was getting there. She turned around and saw Tommy at the door he hadn't seen her but she knew they were looking for her. She went out the backdoor and ended up in an ally. She walked out and was on the street. Jude made a run for it. When she had ran at least 3 miles from the bar she stopped. She noticed a shady looking character with a big trench coat staring at everyone. She knew immediately he must be a drug dealer she checked her pockets she had 40. If she couldn't have the anti-depressants at least she could have coke or meth maybe even heroin. She walked up to him handed him the money and he gave her some coke. She smiled and left. This night was starting to get interesting.

Tommy's POV

He still couldn't find Jude he'd checked back at the bar he had met her at but no such luck. He felt horrible as guilt set in like a blood stain on a white shirt. He should have stopped Jude when they were at his place. Yeah, so he talked to her about it but he could have done something. When they had had sex that night she looked so sad he wondered why. Plus, the comment she made he could still see the look on her face as she said ... _I find it's a lot easier to deal with life when your drunk. _She seemed sad when she said that like at any moment she would have a breakdown. What could have happened to her not many teenagers had problems so bad they attempted suicide. He just hoped wherever Jude was she was safe,

--Club Lightening--

Jude's POV

Sadly, Jude was anything but safe, she was at Club Lightening. Club Lightening was a new hot spot that had just opened downtown. Jude ordered herself a beer and decided to sway to the music. She started dancing to the beat and lost her mind in the music. Suddenly a girl, with dark medium length brown hair gorgeous green eyes, and a great figure, came up and began to dance with Jude they were having fun dippin' it low, grinding hot guys and just all out having a ball. When the song ended Jude noticed she was really close to the girl, Asheliee. They both looked at eachother and then their lips met. The kiss was fun way different from a guy who would practically chew your face off. Asheliee's kiss was soft, sweet, and inviting. When they stopped they each smiled then went their separate ways. After that she thought she should experiment more often. Jude went to the bathroom and locked the steel door behind her she checked the stalls there was no one in here but her. She grabbed her 40 investment and began to lay out lines of coke. Jude breathed in all the lines and within minutes was feeling flustered and on top of the world. She just hoped that once she was on top of the world the climb down would be a non-disastrous one.

She left the the bathroom and started doing shots and dancing. This club was rockin' she should definitely come back.

--Near G Major--

Tommy's POV

It was 9:07 pm and there was 5 people looking for Jude and no one could find her. Sadie had stopped looking at 8:00 knowing her sister would most likely be home in the morning. Tommy was determined to find her though he needed to make up for the other night. Especially since Kwest was her friend he owed it to Kwest, to Sadie, to Jude.

--In the neighborhood by the rehearsal space--

Jude's POV

She was smashed. She hadn't been walking straight since 6 or 7. She had a rush from the drugs and she was drunk off her ass thanks to whomever invented tequila. She had 6 shots before she left. Now she just wanted to have some fun. She had gotten kicked out of the club for dancing on the bar. It was awesome she loved Toronto it was the best place in the world. It couldn't get any better than this she thought walking down the street drunk and tripping on coke. Everything was funny she didn't know why it just was. Every time she saw a stop sign she would land on the floor laughing. I should do this more often she thought.

Sadie's POV

It's 10 o'clock and Jude still isn't home she bailed at 5 o'clock Sadie was so worried what could she do Kat, Jaime, and Tommy were still looking and Kwest was trying to comfort her. If Jude doesn't get here within the next 8 hours she thought I'm going to hire an actress to play her just so I can have the gradatude of yelling at her for doing this to me. Jude really needed help therapy was tomorrow and she still had no clue what had happened to her. Was it me who did it? Did she feel left out because of my late nights with Kwest? Doubt it but what ever it was Sadie intended to find out.

Jaime's POV

Jaime and Kat were in his Nana's car driving around looking for Jude. He was really starting to get annoyed with her what was with her? She ends up in the hospital for almost killing herself and now she goes missing. He loved Jude to death but if this kept happening she would be having an early death, Jaime would make sure of it. Kat sat next to him in the passenger seat she seemed nervous, and scared but he loved her and she looked so radiant in the moonlight. He really hoped Jude would turn up so he could stop searching parks and other places Jude liked to go and make out with Kat. It was going to be a long night.


	7. Who's Asheliee?

Disclaimer: Don't own this.

Jude's POV

So since I got kicked out of the club I'm walking around town. I'm not going home Sadie will kill me and I'm not drunk enough to face that. Wow, who knew drugs could be this great she should have tried this years ago then she wouldn't have so many crappy nights. Jude didn't see the rock but it wouldn't have mattered if she did she was trippin' so bad she would have fell anyway. So there I am on the ground laying and in a fit of giggles, laughing about how drunk I am. I'm so smashed I can't get up so I just lay theres smiling and laughing I'll be fine in the morning.

Tommy's POV

I'm walking down the street and then I hear a boom and then lots of laughter I look up about 20 meters ahead of me there is a girl laying in the grass just laughing she's alone. She attempts to get up but falls and bursts into another fit of laughter. I realize the girl has red hair and I run up to her. Sure enough it's Jude so I grab her and I put her over my shoulder and she's just laughing.

"Put me down hahahahahahaha" she says. "Tommy, where's Asheliee?" she says between giggles. "Who's Asheilee?" I ask confused. "The hot girl at the bar who kisses really good" she said laughing as hard as possible. Jude kissed a girl? He wondered that was something he wanted to see."Jude I'm going to take you home to Sadie, okay?" She stopped laughing kicked him in the gut and jumped off him. "I'm not going home" she screamed than ran as fast as possible away. Guess she wasn't as drunk as he thought. Nice move Quincy he thought. Then he chased after her but when he turned the corner she was gone. He called Kwest. "Hey, man you find her?" "Yeah, she was completely trashed, I was taking her home then I told her where we were going. She sobered up real quick and kicked me in the stomach. She ran off I can't find her anymore." "Damn it," Kwest said. " I'll keep looking man" he said and then he hung up. He just wished he knew where to look.

Jude's POV

God Tommy is such a dick I can't believe he was going to take me to Sadie I mean come on she would murder me! Ughh, I wish I had a drink now because I'm dead sober. At least I'm not dead I thought. I kept walking I was passing the park and as I realized it I cringed. It was 1:00 am according to my watch. Man I'm tired I thought.

Might as well go home I have no where else to go. She was standing in the grass when she saw Kwest's car and the light in the living room was on. They were going to crucify her if she went through the front door so she went around back. She opened the gate it creaked a little but it was safer then hopping the fence she was still a little drunk. She closed it than she walked up to the side of the house. She stood on top of the cooler that was by the grill. She then grabbed the gutter of the roof and used the top of the grill to hoist her up, she was then on the roof. She crawled in through her never locked window and then quietly went and locked the door. She had gotten in and settled at 1:45 am. Man, that was the best night ever!

Tommy's POV

Tommy was fed up with Jude it was 2:15 am. He was stuck still looking for her. You know what since she was sober enough to injure him she was sober enough to get her own ass home he thought and headed back to his car to go home and sleep.

Kat's POV

It was 1 in the morning and still no one knew where Jude was. She could tell that Jaime was mad that he had to go look for her by the fire in his eyes while he was driving. God why did Jude have to be a basket case? Her and Jaime were just about to have sex again when they got a call from Sadie. She told them to go look for Jude. They went to look and that was at 6:00 now it was 1:27. They were pissed, tired, and bored. Time to go home she thought and Jaime turned to go to his house. This search was over Jude would survive she always did. But her and Jaime wouldn't if this kept happening.

Jude's POV

I wish tomorrow would never come once they find me I'm dead meat they're all going to hurt me. She probably ruined Jaime and Kat's I love you filled night, made Kwest and Sadie worry, and she kicked Tommy in the gut. Yupp, she was dead she thought as she nodded off to sleep.


	8. You're Little Tommy Q

Disclaimer: I Don't own this

Jude's POV

Jude woke up at 6:30 am the next day she knew Sadie didn't have work till eleven so she was probably still sleeping. Memories crashed into her mind like a dam breaking. She remembered Sadie yelling at her getting drunk, doing coke, and kicking tommy in the gut. Jude felt bad about what she had done and she called the flower company she ordered 4 bouquets of daisies. She sent one to Kwest, one to Sadie, one to Tommy and one to Kat and Jaime. Hopefully she would get them to forgive her.

Jude walked over to the closet and pulled out 10 boxes. She began packing all of her stuff. She had bought an apartment about 3 weeks ago and was waiting for the perfect time to tell Sadie but this was as good as any. Her mom had left her and Sadie each 10 grand so she had enough to afford it. I guess she felt really guilty about leaving us and thought money was the only way to solve it. She called the moving company and quietly moved all her stuff into the truck while Sadie was sleeping. Sadie was a heavy sleeper so she didn't have to worry too much about waking her up. About an hour and a half later she had everything packed and told the movers the address and handed them the keys. While they would unload the truck she would go finish things up here and go to the apartment in an hour. She walked into her room it was completely empty. She looked at it one more time and then went to get the pop tarts if she was moving she was taking them with her. She grabbed the huge box and left a note. _Left took pop tarts sorry have no food. I'll miss you-Jude. _Then she got in her blue vintage mustang and went to pay for those flowers.

Sadie's POV

She never heard Jude come home last night so she was a little worried. Kwest had went home at 3:00 am last night. She wished he would have stayed but he said he couldn't. Ughh I just want to go to sleep she thought. Ding, ding! She got up put on a robe and went to get the door. She opened it and there was a guy about 15 years old standing there with yellow and white daisies. He handed them to her and she signed the paper. These things smelt good she thought. How nice of Kwest to send them to her she thought, but apparently she spoke to soon and read the card. _Sadie- I know your mad at me and you probably hate me, but I'm sorry. I'll be out of your hair soon anyways -Love Jude. _Sadie had know clue about what she meant by being out of her hair soon but it was nice of her to send the flowers. Jude must be home she thought she ran upstairs to thank her for the flowers and yell her ear off. When she opened the door everything was gone. Jude had left. She went down stairs to get a piece of toast when she saw on the counter a scrap of paper she grabbed it. It read _Left, took pop tarts sorry have no food. I'll miss you-Jude. _This note confirmed it Jude had moved out and she hadn't even told Sadie.

Tommy's POV

He was making himself a cup of coffee that he desperately needed after last night when the door bell rang. He went to answer it. Some dude was standing on his front porch holding flowers when he opened. "You Tommy" the guy asked he nodded and signed the clipboard. Who would send him flowers he thought confused. He grabbed the card and read it _Tommy- I'm sorry I kicked you yesterday and made you go out and search for me. Have a nice life and by the way you're Little Tommy Q as in BoyzAttack? Wow, sad I know just realized. What the hell were you thinking when you joined? Sorry, again-Jude. _He laughed wow nothing got passed her. It was nice of her to send them to him but it was still a little weird he thought probably because Jude was weird. But even with all her problems she was amazing.

Kat's POV

After everything that had happened last night she had stayed over at Jaime's. She was still sorta mad at Jude for ditching them and all. Ding dong! She heard his doorbell and went to go get it. A guy was standing there holding flowers she grabbed them and signed the clipboard. Who would send Jaime or Nana flowers, she thought. She looked down at the card _Jaime and Kat- Sorry I made you look for me and worry about me all the time. I'm a terrible friend that's why I think we shouldn't be friends until I can get my life on track. All I'm doing is screwing up yours too. I love you both-Jude. _How thoughtful of Jude, Kat thought. But then she remembered that they weren't friends and that was sad but Jude was right she had a lot of stuff to work out and she was ruining their lives too. She still wished Jude hadn't thought that though it made her feel sad and guilty. She then remembered Jaime and went to show him the flowers.

Kwest POV

Kwest was awakened by his doorbell ringing he grabbed a robe and went to go see who it was. When he opened the door he saw a guy with daisies he was skeptical as to why he was here until the guy said, "You Kwest?" he replied yes and signed the clipboard. Who could these be from? He read the card _Kwest- I'm sorry I ran out on you yesterday and you had to look for me. I just couldn't take it anymore the glances and everyone talking behind my back. I thought you were the one person out there who believed in me. I guess I was wrong I was holding on to the fact that you did. I'll just leave you all alone from now on you don't need my problems in your lives. -Jude._ This was all his fault Jude must have heard him talking to Tommy and bolted. He looked down ant the card again he had forgotten to read some of it _P.S. Kwest, I'm not blaming you. So if you start to blame yourself I'll punch you in the face -Love Jude. _He laughed and decided to take her advice.


	9. You're so selfish!

Jude's POV

The movers had brought everything inside, given her the keys, and left. She grabbed her guitar and journal out of the pile and sat down on the couch. She began to write a song about how she felt but it was just little ideas or lyrics that didn't really mesh so about and hour and a half later she ended up with two songs. She was proud and began to sing the finished products.

**"****Another ****Thin ****Line"**  
I'm getting up know  
the sun is burning my eyes and I ache  
I'm living on a, freeway, running low on heart and good mistakes  
I'm taking it to..living,just living all the lives I have to live  
I'm playing off this feeling knowing that it's time to be forgiven

If I could only come around (I'm looking in the black)  
Just stop and turn around (I need to get this off my back)  
Am I outta my mind, for faking what's inside of me?

It's like I'm walking on another thin line  
where the fools keep on thinking I'm blind  
I'm waiting for the day (walking on another thin line)

I'm wide awake now its getting dark and I can't see my way  
I'm living through the game now, by watching every word that I might say

And now I've gotta come around (I'm falling through the cracks)  
And stop and turn around (Can't get this off my back)  
Am I outta my mind, for faking what's inside of me?

It's like I'm walking on another thin line  
where the fools keep on thinking I'm blind  
I'm waiting for the day (walking on another thin line)  
No, no, no I'm in the middle of a crime  
taking left whats mine...As I fade away...  
with everything I am

With everything I am  
With all I have to stand  
I'm not gonna fade, oh no!  
Dragon tears and cover songs  
When I've done nothing wrong  
I just don't belong  
DA DA DA DA DA DA DA

It's like I'm walking on another thin line  
where the fools keep on thinking I'm blind  
I'm waiting for the day (walking on another thin line)  
I'm in the middle of a crime...  
taking left what's mine  
as I fade away

"**24 Hours"**

I've been sitting in the dirt (for 24 hours)  
I've forgotten what im worth (for 24 hours)  
Said that you'd be here last night

I'm trying to shake you from my skin (for 48 hours)  
Clean up this mess i've been put in (for 48 hours)  
I'm guessing you can't always win  
I'm guessing you can't always win

Chorus  
I can't have anything I want  
They say I'm just too young  
But it's not my fault  
I'll find my own way home if I gotta  
I'll make it all alone if I gotta

I'm not so trustful with my friends  
I'm on the road alone again  
I guess im tired of giving in

I'm sick of wishing you were near  
You've gone your way, you've made it clear  
Why do I feel you everywhere?  
Why do I feel this everywhere?

Chorus  
I can't have anything I want  
They say I'm just too young  
But it's not my fault  
I'll find my own way home if I gotta  
I'll make it all alone if I gotta

Don't wanna spend my time  
Watching the world go by  
I think I'd rather die  
And I don't got a plan  
Don't wanna justify  
To stay where I stand  
Something I won't deny

Chorus  
I can't have anything I want  
They say I'm just too young  
But it's not my fault  
I'll find my own way home if I gotta  
I'll make it all alone if I gotta

Chorus  
I can't have anything I want  
They say I'm just too young  
But it's not my fault  
I'll find my own way home if I gotta  
I'll make it all alone  
24 hours

She sighed time to unpack. She began unpacking everything. Her apartment was a one bedroom one bath and sorta small but it had a pretty big living room. At least it was big enough to have a party with all the friends she used to have. She had messed that up thoroughly. But, at least she could continue with her new lifestyle drinking, doing drugs, and etc. It wouldn't even bother them they probably would never even find out. She heard her phone ringing and picked it up she didn't recognize the number so she answered. "Hello?" "Jude, we need to talk meet me at the coffee shop on 20th street" it was Sadie and then she hung up. Jude sighed then went to meet her.

The drive wasn't too bad the coffee shop was about a half of a mile from her old house. When she got there Sadie was already waiting for her she sat down. "Hey, Sades" she said. "Jude I saw that you moved out why didn't you tell anyone?" she said confused "and thanks for the flowers even if you did go all jason bourne on us last night." "I thought you would stop me if I told you so I moved out this morning while you were sleeping. I need to get help Sadie and all I'm doing is ruining your lives by keeping you involved." I replied. "Jude we can do this together" "No we can't Sadie. I need to be able to take care of myself for once. I won't be in contact with any of you guys for awhile I'm sorry tell everyone I love them bye." and with that I left leaving Sadie with a sad, proud, and surprised expression on her face. I wish I didn't have to lie to her about getting help but it's for the best. On my way home I saw the shady guy from last night I parked and went up to him. I handed him the money and he gave me some more coke. I then left for the apartment, before I had gotten back I had stocked up on enough alcohol for a party, party of 1 that is.

Sadie's POV

She was astonished that her sister had took the initiative to get help but was sad that she refused to speak to her anymore. She headed for work she told Kwest about the meeting and the flowers and he said he had got some too and so had Jaime, Tommy, and Kat. Sadie wondered why Tommy had gotten flowers she had known him for like a day so yeah he had looked for her but that didn't mean he deserved them. Everyone showed each other their cards from Jude and talked about it.

"I think she really is going to get help" I said and Kwest, Kat, and Jaime agreed. But Tommy didn't agree he hardly met her like 8 hours ago and suddenly he was an expert? Yeah, right!

"Guys, she's an alcoholic. She's going to say anything to keep drinking. I mean think about it if she moves out and stops talking to you guys she doesn't have to worry about you catching her and forcing her to stop!"

"We trust her Tommy. You don't know her like we do!" Sadie said. Tommy sighed and left.

Tommy's POV

They're mentally retarded. How could they believe Jude after everything that had happened? He looked at the receptionist's desk Sadie's phone was their it was a Verizon phone he looked in the address book for Jude's number. He found it and wrote it down on a sheet of paper and put the cell back. He picked up his phone and dialed. It rang 3 times then said "Hey this is Jude I can't answer the phone so leave me a message." he hung up. He then dialed 1-800-VER-IZON. "Hello, uhm I wanted to add GPS to my cell phone account. Yes the number is 303-4589 the name on the account is Jude Harrison. Okay, thanks for your help help" he then opened his laptop and went to the Verizon home page typed in the phone number and code the operator had given him and he saw that Jude was in a building on 53rd ave and 104th street. He closed it, got into his viper, and sped off to the building. If they wouldn't help Jude he would. It was an apartment building and he went inside. He then followed the map, that he had uploaded to his sidekick, to where she was. He went up 3 flights and went to the third door on the right this was it. He heard music playing and figured it was the radio it was a good song but he had never heard it or the artist for the matter. He knocked on the door and waited.

Jude's POV

After I left Sadie I went straight home and put the drugs and the alcohol in the air vent inside my room if anyone wanted to check up on her they would find nothing. She decided while she was bored to finish unpacking she didtn't have much to do. She put the bed inside her room put up the bookshelf, put the stolen pop tarts in the cabinet and put her records on the shelf. Then, she put away all her clothes she was finally settled. So she once more sat on the couch and played her two songs. The lyrics were good but she needed to practice playing she kept messing up the chords and hitting the wrong note. Finally, she had it down perfect and combined it with the lyrics. She was off in her own little world nothing mattered there just Jude and her guitar. Then she felt a pair of eyes on her she turned around and saw Tommy standing in the doorway looking surprised.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked angrily he had invaded my space. "Ugh I knocked and the door was a-was a unlocked so I came in" he stumbled. "So, that doesn't give you the right to invade my privacy. How'd you find me anyways?" "I have my ways" he said cockily. "That was a really good song ever thought of recording?" he asked honestly. "The pool down the street is a nice pool that doesn't mean it wants to be the Olympic pool" I said. So what if I had always dreamed of being a singer it was not his business. His face fell and before he could say anything I said "By the way could you not tell anyone I live here. I moved for privacy not so every washed up singer could visit ." then I grabbed my guitar and went into my room and locked the door. I took a big gulp of tequila and hoped he would leave then I put it back and went into the living room. Tommy was still there. I walked up to him "What are you still doing here?" I said harshly. He just got up looked into my eyes and kissed me passionately. At first I was confused then I kissed him back then he pulled away. "I knew! You haven't stopped drinking your mouth so tastes like alcohol!" I was taken aback by his little out burst. "You kissed me just to see if I had been drinking? You're so selfish you never think of anyone but yourself Quiny!" I screamed.

I hope you enjoyd. Constructive criticism accepted! Please review!


	10. Tommy Quincy was as good as mine

"Jude what are you talking about? I'm thinking about you here I want to help you get over your addiction!" he said astonished at her. "Did you ever think leaving me alone would be helping me? You're making everything so much worse! You can't just kiss everyone you want no matter how good you 'think' your intentions are." He was getting angry now, why did she keep yelling at him? "What is up with you Jude I just want to help!" "If you wanted to help you wouldn't have kissed me! Tommy, your just leading me on! If you wanted to know if I was drunk you could have smelt my breath or checked to see if I acted weird but by kissing me all you're doing is breaking me heart!" and with that she ran and locked herself in her room.

Tommy's POV

Ahh shit how come I hadn't thought of that before I kissed her. She was right I was just leading her on. He felt horrible now, he was the worst! "Jude, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you! Please come out" He tried to open the door but it was locked he reached his hand up to feel the top of the door frame. Sometimes they have them on there. Bingo! I found it! Did I just say bingo? Wow, that is really cliche! Anyways I have to get in there and make sure she's okay. I stick the key in the hole and unlock the door. I knock and say "I'm coming in" then I burst through the door. The first thing I see is Jude laying on the floor convulsing I run over to her and then I call 911. I look next to her on the nightstand, there are lines of coke.

"Shit!" I yell. The ambulance workers come in and take her to the hospital. I ride along while calling Kwest and Sadie. This is all my fucking fault. I had to go and kiss her. The doctor comes out "Are you with Ms. Harrison?" he asked I nod. "We had to pump her stomach again and she has asked to see you we're going to keep her for the night."

I walked to her room and she's lying there tired looking. "Hey girl, you okay? I'm so sorry this is all my fault." I say."Tommy, no it isn't it's mine. I think after I get out of here though, I don't wanna see anyone for awhile. We need to come up with a story about what happened though. You came over to make sure I was okay the front door was unlocked you walked in and knocked on my room door you didn't hear me so you unlocked it saw me having a seizure and called 911. That's our story and we're sticking to it, okay?" Jude said. "Yeah" I agreed unemotionally "Tommy it isn't your fault." she said I just nod. Then Sadie, Kwest, Jaime, and Kat walk in. "Oh my god, what happened?" I relay the story Jude told me. "Jude are you okay?" "Yeah, guys I'm fine" she says." "Guys I'm going to bolt. I got stuff to do. You get better Jude." they nod and so I left.

Jude's POV

I can't believe they believed that crap called an alibi that me and Tommy gave them. Why would he come talk to me we hardly know each other. The most I've talked to Tommy was in bed when I was moaning and screaming yeah, but lets not talk about that. Wow, they are so naive no wonder they believed the 'I need to get help on my own' line. Well, besides Tommy he seems to know me more than Sadie, Kwest, Kat, and Jaime put together. I've known Jaime since I was 3 and he didn't know I was lying and tommy has known me like 4 days. How sad Tommy can read me like a book and he didn't even see me talk to her. Why am I talking about Tommy so much? So yeah he's hot, famous, and definitely knows how to please a girl. But he was in a 90's boy band! Ewww! Within 1 hour everyone leaves because visiting hours are over. I hear a noise I look over and see Tommy walk in and close the door behind him. "How'd you get in here?" I ask. "Oh, snuck past the nurse. Listen Jude I want to help you and I know you don't want me to or even know me at all for that matter. But, I want to help please girl?" I laughed. "Sure, but you'll probably have to search my apartment like everyday, make sure I go to therapy, and make sure I don't go to bars. It'll be very overwhelming because I'm a good liar and can run faster than you even when I'm drunk." "Hahah, very funny you kicked me in the gut I could so take you next time. That does sound like a lot of work, but it'll be worth it if we don't have to come here again." we both laughed and I smiled at him he's so dreamy-Jude Harrison! Don't you dare go there!

"Okay, well I gotta go back before they find me here. Later, girl" he said and then he left. He so wants me and since he's going to be following me around all the time it's going to be the perfect time to get him. I could feel Tommy Quincy was as good as mine.

Narrator's POV

Cocky much? And we thought Quincy was full of himself.

Please review I'd appreciate it.


	11. Girl I'll find it

Disclaimer: I don't own this

Jude's POV

The next day I woke up alone the next morning. The nurse came in and made sure I was okay to go so I went and got dressed when I walked out of the bathroom Tommy was waiting for me. "You looked surprised that I'm here. Were you expecting I'd let you go and forget my promise to help you? Not likely Harrison" he said. "No, I just didn't think you'd be sitting there gosh. So since you're helping me do you want me to tell you where I had my stash or do you wanna look for it yourself?" I asked. "Girl, I'll find it". He then checked me out of the hospital and drove me to my house in his blue viper. We didn't really talk but we would both sometimes sneak little glances at each other when we thought the other wasn't looking. He pulled up next to my car and we went upstairs to my apartment.

He told me to sit on the couch and he looked almost everywhere under the bed, under the mattress, in the freezer, and inside my guitar case. Finally he sits down next to me. I look at him empty handed and smile. "So you want me to tell you where it is?" he nodded sadly "Check the air vent," I said. He looked surprised then went into my room and came out with 2 bags of coke and 6 bottles of assorted rums, vodkas, and tequilas. He then poured all the contents from the vent into the sink washed it down and through the bottles and bags away. "Nice hiding spot girl, never even thought about it. You don't look like the type of girl to get down on her hands and knees but of course you are, I know that from experience." we laughed and I threw a pillow at him. He smiled at me playfully. So, now that we have this place under control let's check the car. He grabbed the keys and we went downstairs. He searched everywhere in the car then he looked at me "There aren't any in here are there?" he said I shook my head no. "I haven't really been in my car when I was drunk or trippin' I didn't wanna die, despite what my actions show." I said.

"So? Wanna drive me to therapy?" I ask. He nods and I get in his car. He pulls up to the doctors office. "I should be finished here at four but I'll call you" I say. He nods and drives away. I walk inside and go up to the receptionist. "Jude Harrison. 1:45 pm appointment" I say to her she says okay and tells me that Dr. Thompson is ready to see me. I walk in the doctors office. I look around there are 3 cherry book shelves a few assorted fake plants. A desk in the middle of the room with a computer and papers on it behind it are 4 filing cabinets. And to the right of the desk are 2 big chairs and a small sofa. There is a woman in her late 40's with light gray blonde hair glasses and she is wearing a suit. I assume this is Dr. Thompson. We introduce ourselves and I sit down on the couch this is soo scary I was not expecting myself to be so nervous. It's going to be a long afternoon.


	12. I feel dirty

Disclaimer: Don't own.

Jude's POV

Jude sat on the couch inside Dr. Thompson's office she was so nervous. Finally the doctor spoke up.

"Jude, I would just like you to know anything you say in here whether it is illegal, stupid, or whatever I'm not allowed to repeat to anyone else. Unless I suspect you're going to hurt yourself." Jude nodded.

"hhuh. I was raped about a week ago." "Jude how do you feel about that?" Jude resisted the urge to laugh at the highly cliché therapist line from most movies.

"I feel dirty like no matter what, it is stuck clinging to my skin like mud. I was a virgin before that so it was like all my innocence was ripped from my hands. It's like I see it everywhere like it's following me, you know? The only time I'm not completely overtaken by it is when I'm not sober. I think that's why I did the drinking and drugs thing. So I would just forget but it seems like I see it more often"

"So tell me about those nights where you would be under the influence of a substance." "Well usually I would go to a bar at five or sixish. I'd drink a beer or two to get started then I'd do shots. Once, I was drunk I'd have sex with a complete stranger and go home early morning. But lately I started doing drugs too and I kissed a girl once it was fun"

"Do you have any idea why you had these...flings?"

"I think it was because I was scared of the memories of that night and I thought that if I slept with other people I'd forget but I can't it is what has made me who I am today. It's apart of me now and I hate every second of it."

"Did you ever think that maybe having sex with a stranger wouldn't help because it meant nothing. Being a virgin that night obviously meant something to you and the event was also a very traumatizing thing for you." I was silent she was right I didn't care about any of those people except Tommy but I hadn't then.

"So you're saying if I have sex with someone I do care about a lot I'll be able to move on from this?"

"Sort of, what I'm saying is if you find someone out there who cares about you and you care about them maybe you will be able to move past the denial stage and finish the grieving process."

"What am I grieving for?" I asked confused.

"Your loss. The loss of your innocence. You feel like apart of you is missing like it left that night. You're going to have to accept that it may never come back and then you'll be able to move on."we stared at each other for a minute. I could tell she wanted me to say something.

"Why don't you tell me about that night?" she asked cautiously.

"I was leaving a coffee shop it..." after I had recounted all the details of that night I sat there waiting for here response. My face was wet from tears and my eyes still had some unshed ones too.

"Jude, considering all that has happened to you I think you are making amazing progress. You are opening up to me so quickly it looks like our time is about up. I understand that you haven't told anyone else your story, so before you come back next week I want you to confide in at least one other person. Can you do that?" she nodded. "Okay see you next week."

I looked at my watch it was 3:30. Tommy shouldn't be here for an half an hour. She didn't feel like calling him so she decided to go get a smoothie. She walked up to Inta Juice and asked for a strawberry, banana, and lime smoothie. They handed it to her, she paid, and sat down on a nearby bench. She didn't know what it was but Dr. Thompson made her feel so relaxed like telling someone how she felt helped her. She drank the smoothie it was delicious. She hadn't had this smoothie combo since she was 12. She had quit getting it when people would make fun of her. Thank god school was out she hated that it was just filled with superficial jocks and popularity striving girls everyone there was a fake. She saw something out of the corner of her.

She glanced up the drug dealer from the other day was approaching her he took a seat on the bench and said, "You need a fix?" she was astonished that she didn't even have to find him he found her kinda creepy. She nodded and handed him some cash then he handed her the drugs and disappeared she put them in the hidden pocket of her jacket.

She checked her watch it was 3:50 she made her way back to the office. She saw he was there he looked confused as to why she walked from that direction.

"Where'd you go?" he asked.

"Oh, got out a little early from my session and got a smoothie! Want some?" he grabbed it from her and took a drink. He seemed to be contemplating something deeply.

"What?" she asked.

"I was seeing if there was any alcohol in it. But there wasn't." he smiled and she nodded. He then drove away headed for her house. She wondered if she should do the drugs or actually try. She wasn't sure but she would keep them in case she needed them. Jude didn't want to disappoint him but her body yearned for the drugs. The part of her that wanted to get better wished that Tommy would open his damn eyes, but the part that wanted drugs and alcohol constantly, thrived on his naiveness.


	13. These drugs are burning my back

Disclaimer: I don't own Instant Star if I did there would be more seasons to come!

Jude's POV

So Tommy just picked me up from therapy. It's silent but I don't mind. I have nothing to say to him. I feel like these drugs are burning my back. I feel weird Tommy keeps giving me awkward glances and it's probably because I have a guilty look on my face. Ahhh... I wish he would just hurry up and drive so I can hide these. We pull up to his place. It was kind of confusing I thought we were going to mine.

"Hey I have to grab something upstairs" he mumbles. "Can I use your bathroom?" he agrees and we go inside. He walks to his room and points to a door. I walk inside and shut and lock the door. The bathroom is simple black shower curtain with black tile and counter tops and silver fixtures. Except the toilet and shower which are white like the walls. I looks around and see what I'm looking for. An air vent. When Tommy told me we were going to his house I had a flash of brilliance. I would had the drugs at Tommy's house, it was perfect! He would never expect them here. I quickly shoved them inside then closed it back up firmly. Then went to the toilet flushed and began to wash my hands. It was good for the act. She opened the door and walked out. Tommy was just walking out of the room. He silently asked her if she was ready and she nodded.

He drove to her place it was quiet but at least he quick giving her those stares. Oh! Spoke to soon he just gave her a questioning glance. "Quincy do you want a camera for Christmas? Because all of my problems would be solved if you would quit staring at me. If you really want I can autograph the picture."

Tommy's POV

I felt as surprised as I most likely looked I had expected her to ignore my glances but nothing about Jude Harrison was very predictable. She looked like she had just been caught with her hand in the cookie jar so I kept glancing at her wandering why. That an because she was so beautiful. I couldn't tell her that she would freak out. She was unique like no one I had ever met she was sweet but strong, open minded but stubborn, she was just flat out amazing.

"Sorry" I mumbled. She gave me a quick look then proceeded to look out the window. Damn, she was so confusing. We pulled up to the front of Jude's building she was about to get out when I said, "Hey wait, Jude. Uhmm... did you yuh know want to go to dinner tonight?" I said sheepishly. First she looked at me like I had 3 heads then skeptically.

"Like a date?" she said as she got out. I smiled. "Sure why not? Where are we going?" Jude asked.

"Surprise, I'll pick you up at 7" she closed the door and I drove away smiling. I hope this works out it has too, I though. I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach as I drove away.

Hey Guys let me know what you think. Should I continue with this story or is it going stale? Also, if you think I should continue leave me a few ideas on where to make their date at cause if you don't it might not be at all what you expected.


	14. No wonder you like stupid bonde bimbos

Disclaimer: I don't own instant star : Too bad

Jude got ready to go on her date with Tommy. She couldn't believe he had asked her out it was crazy. But it was on a whole new level of crazy and maybe crazy was just what she needed. She dad been contemplating it in her mind for a long time but finally she had come to a conclusion tonight she would tell him about what happened that night. She hated the thought of it but she had to get it over with. She had to tell him so she could move on and he was the only one she trusted right now. She cared about Sadie and yeah she would try and make her feel better but it wasn't the same as telling Tommy. She wasn't sure what his reaction would be but if it was anything close to Dr. Thompson's she would be happy she felt so much better after telling her.

She put on her favorite pair of ripped jeans and a vintage Beatles t-shirt with her converse. She fixed her hair and makeup and then she was ready. She looked at the clock it read 6: 57. Perfect timing she thought as the doorbell rang. She giddily ran to the door she stopped to catch her breath then pulled it open. Tommy was standing there with a smile on his face and the same clothes he wore this afternoon. He looked good.

"You ready?" she nodded and then walked to his car he opened the door and she slid in while he raced to his door. He got in and started the car. They sat is comfortable silence as he drove. They pulled up to the carnival. She could see a ferris wheel, the tower of doom, and several hot dog stands she laughed. She looked at Tommy who had a huge smile on his face.

"I thought we could go somewhere fun. Besides who doesn't like the carnival?" she chuckled at that.

"Come on lets go" she said. They walked into the place and looked around it was so colorful there were kids, friends, parents, and couples everywhere. Who didn't like the carnival? "Cotton Candy?" "I'd love some" Jude said with a golden smile. He returned and walked up to a Hot Dog Stand, paid, and handed it to Jude. They ate the fluffy blue delicacy in comfortable silence. When it was gone Tommy through the stick away and turned to Jude.

"Hey wanna go on a roller coaster?"

"Yeah! Lets go on that one it's huge!"

"Come on" They walked over to it and got in line it was maybe 5 people long. The previous people got off. Tommy and Jude then walked passed the gate and sat in a seat in the middle and pulled down the safety bar.

"You ready for this?" he asked. "Please I was born ready" he chuckled and the ride started up. They began to go slow at first but the speed was picking up. He turned to look at Jude and she was looking rather frightened.

"Jude are you afraid of roller coasters?" she nodded. "Come here." he pulled her into a comforting hug. He looked up, he noticed that they were about 5 seconds from making a big drop.

"Jude" she turned to him confusedly. He grabbed her face in his had softly but with determination and kissed her with all the passion he could muster up so did Jude. She had forgotten she was afraid of roller coasters thanks to Tommy. He had interesting methods of calming her down she thought. Tommy stopped kissing her because he had to breath and looked around they were just pulling into the bottom and about to unload the passengers. He looked at Jude and smiled as they got out.

"So, you hungry?" he asked. "Sure where we going?" "Surprise" he chuckled. "Fine then don't tell me" she said with fake anger which only made him laugh louder. He drove the car and pulled up to a nearby diner they had great food here. She smiled when she saw the place. "Oh! I love this place," she commented. "Yeah me too" he said with less excitement. She looked so pretty tonight so carefree. He just felt relaxed around her.

He stepped out of the car and ran to get her door. They walked inside and found a booth in the back. Tommy liked this place it was comfy, quite, and homey. They ordered their food and then he just stared at her.

"What?" she asked. "Nothing you just look beautiful," he said. Jude just smiled. Then she started thinking. _Oh my gosh I have to tell Tommy. I really don't want to but I have to for us, for me. Breathe Jude breath_

"Okay I have something to tell you."

"Shoot"

"Not too long ago I was bored so I decided to go to this coffee shop to see some local talent. The band was amazing and I sat there till around eleven if I recall correctly."

"Jude what's this-"

"Just listen. I decided to head home. It wasn't that far away so I walked instead of drove. It was really dark outside I couldn't see anything. I heard this noise so I turned around and there was a guy there he was holding a knife I tried to scream but I had suddenly lost my voice like I couldn't say anything." Tears spilled from her eyes at the memory it hurt to think about it. Tommy was speechless he didn't know what to say he cared about Jude but this was not what he had expected.

"I backed up and ran for it. He tackled me to the ground. And raped me. He told me afterwards that if I told anyone he would kill me and my entire family." Jude looked up at him for the first time in her story trying to gage his reaction. Tommy sat there unable to say anything he felt that no matter what he said wouldn't be right.

Jude turned away in disbelief.

"I see how it is Tommy a girl bares her heart to you and you freak. No wonder you like all the stupid blonde bimbos. I don't need this."

"Jude-"

"Save it" She ran out of the diner Tommy not even bothering to come after her. Tommy knew he'd messed up and he should just give her time to cool off. He could speak to her in the morning.

Jude walked outside furious. How could Tommy be such an ass. A stranger could have been more comforting. Maybe he wasn't who she thought he was.

"Whatever I'm done with this." she pulled out her cell phone and dialed a number.

"Hey, Asheliee wanna party tonight?"

_To be continued..._


	15. Authors Note

I'm so so sorry I got bored and decided to check out the story and decide where to go from there when I update and I realised that there wasn't a chapter 4 It just skipped to chapter 5 Im so sorry! so I put it in there and Im going to make sure i update by wednesday!! sorry again.

-Yoda111


	16. Bartenders see everything

Disclaimer: I don't own this but what I wouldn't give to own Tommy.

Jude's POV

Jude walked into her apartment. She knew no one would be here. So she ran up to her room and went in search of clothes. Asheliee and her were going to Club Lightening. It was sure to be a riot. She grabbed a leather micro mini skirt, a gray sparkley halter and stiletto boots that stopped just below the knee. She left her hair how it was(it already looked good for her date) and did her make up. Asheliee was going to pick her up any minute. She grabbed her cell phone and her keys. She heard the doorbell and left. This night was going to be great.

With Tommy Narrator POV

30 minutes before Jude left.

Tommy drove past Jude's apartment. He had sat in that diner thinking for awhile and finally decided to make sure she got home okay she hadn't drove her car so she had most likely walked home. After that story he didn't want her alone. He saw her car parked out front and looked up her apartment wasn't that far off the ground so he could she in her window. The lights were on and he could see movement from inside. He knew she was home safe so he headed home.

With Jude Narrator POV

"Hey Ash!"

"Jude you look super sexy haha" Asheliee was wearing an army patterned skirt with a green holter and black heels.

"Thanks and you look wow haha lets go!" They walked out to black Porsche.

"Nice ride" Jude said. "Thanks" They sped off. Jude turned the radio on. They listened to the familiar song as they pulled up to the club. They parked and got out. Being to hot girls they went to the front and were let in immediately.

"Ash I'm going to get us drinks"

"Okay make it strong"

"Haha will do" She went over and noticed the bartender. He was cute had medium length blonde hair and brown eyes. He was cute. Jude decided to play with him a bit. She went up and leaned against the bar so he could see down her shirt from where he was.

"What can I get you little lady?" he asked. She smiled.

"2 shots of tequila." she batted her eyes and went to look for her money.

"Here, and its on the house" she smiled.

"Thanks, maybe I'll see you around sometime" she turned and went to find her friend.

She handed the shot to her and she said, "To partying with sure to be great friends" and the both downed the shots. Jude grabbed her hand and said, "Lets dance" They walked out to the dance floor. They both began dancing to the beat. Jude was in her own world. She could see everything going on but it felt like it was someone else there dancing and grinding with Ash._ She looked really pretty tonight._ Jude could feel herself wanting to kiss her again. She really like Asheliee. She looked at her and the song was just ending.

They both moved closer. Asheliee made the last move and their lips met. They both made it the most passionate kiss they could muster up. They coud distantly hear cat calls and clapping but they ignored it. It felt like just them there. When they stopped because they had to breathe. They noticed a small crowd of guys staring at them and they both blushed.

"Need a drink?" Jude asked she knew she did.

"Yeah sure"

"Be right back" she walked back to the bar.

"I was wondering when you'd be back. I saw your show what can I say captivating" the hot bartender said.

"What show?"she asked confused.

"With your friend over there. The act where you guys were trying to get attention"

"Hey you don't know me I really like her and I don't want attention. What's your name anyway"

"Speiderman. And I know you you've been here before. You drank a lot probably an alcoholic. You also do drugs. You flirt with like every guy here and always left with a different one. You're a whore"

"I don't flirt with every guy here and I'm not a whore"

"Bartenders see everything"

"You're just jealous that you weren't one of those guys. Another round please." she paid and left. The nerve of that guy he knows nothing about me. So what if he was right about a few things big deal. She found Ash sitting at a table.

"Here sorry I took so long" she handed her a drink. And they both raised it high.

"To hot parties with even hotter friends haha" Jude said. They both swallowed. They went to the dance floor and started dancing like before. They both got lost in the rhythm. By the time they stopped dancing and drinking it was 1 in the morning and they were both drunk but Jude was better than Asheliee so she decided to drive them home. She parked out front and went to help her out of the car.

"Come on Ash you are not fit to drive you can stay at my p lace"

"Otayy" she slurred.

They both had drank the same amount Jude could just hold her alcohol better. But even if she could drive some parts were still a blur. Like when she found all the phone numbers in her pocket. Who were these people? She didn't remember a Dave, a Lance, a Ricky, or some Spiderman guy. She did remember the hot bartender though but what was his name? And next to Spiderman's number was a note that said if you need anything call me. What did that mean was he a drug dealer or a just really horny guy? Whatever who cares.

"Ash you can stay in that room right there and if you need to throw up there is a bathroom around the corner. I'll be in there in a second with asprin and coffee."

"mmhm"

All of a sudden Jude felt her stomach lurch she ran to the other bathroom and got there just as she spilled her guts. She threw up till she started to dry heave then she washed her face up and went to see if Ash was okay. She was in the bathroom throwing up to. Jude grabbed her hair out of her face and held it until she stopped. Then Jude gave her a hug she was still a bit shaken up. She handed her the asprin and coffee and a towel to wipe off her face then she left. She heard Asheliee start to throw up again and went to help out.

_Man, it was going to be a long night._


	17. Do you know how loud your music is?

Hey sorry about the delay guys Ive been moving so I didn't have internet grrr! well here yah go!

Disclaimer: I dont own this

It was late by the time they had gone to sleep. Jude slept on the couch because Asheliee couldn't make it there. Because of the late night they didn't wake up until mid day.

When Jude woke up the next morning it was to the sound of tires squeeling out of the parking lot. She yawned and looked out the window Asheliee's car was just driving out. She went to check the time it was 1:27. On the counter was a slip of paper she went to read it. It said,

_Jude- Hey I didn't want to wake you so I left. You looked like you needed the sleep. Thanks for everything I had a rocking time lets do it again sometime!_

_Asheliee_

Jude went and got dressed when she walked into her room she saw that she had a voicemail and decided to check it.

"One new message 10:09 am. Hey it's Tommy just calling to see if we could talk looks like I'm missed yah. Call me? I'm going to drop by your place quarter till two to see how you are. I wanna make it up to you"

"Dammit!" Jude ran to get dressed. Tommy would be here in give or take twelve minutes. She didn't really care what she looked like in front of him but she didn't wanna have on the same clothes she went out in yesterday. He'd know something was up. So she grabbed a pair of jeans and a plain black t-shirt then dressed quickly. She checked her watch it was 1:40. Ding dong. Dang it that was probably him.

"Hi Tom"

"Hi" It was a little awkward. He stared at her and she looked everywhere but at him. "Listen we need to talk"

"Okay" Jude mumbled sadly.

"Yesterday I want to apologize for how I acted I was in shock and I didn't know what to say. But I'm sorry I should have been there for you instead of zoning out. I just hope we can put this behind us"

"Yeah sure don't worry about it. We're cool."

"Hey do you umm want to hang out tonight?"

"Tommy you're a great guy and all but I don't think we should continue dating. I think we should just be friends. I'm sorry" Tommy's face fell. He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Yeah sure of course. Friends works for me I guess. Well I have to go I just wanted to stop by real quick. So I'll call you?"

"Yeah sure I'll see you-" but he was already out the door before she could even finish her sentence.

She knew that he wouldn't take the news well but she figured he would at least have the decency to at least not run away from her ugh he was so frustrating. She went to her stereo and turned it on to her favorite cd. She cranked it up so loud she could no longer hear her thoughts and began screaming along with it. She felt the rush the pure power she felt singing the lyrics they were how she felt at the moment

"_Burry me standing under your window with this cinder block in hand yeah cause no one should ever feel like this again...Woah, I want to hate you half as much as I hate my-self you know that I could crush you with my voice." _

She fell against the wall and felt vibrations at first she thought it was the stereo's pounding but then she realized it was banging on the door. She ran to the machine and switched it off then went to the door.

"Do you know how loud your music is? I can hear it next door! Turn off or I'll file a complaint! Understand?" he said. She examined him he had mocha colored skin and black hair he was tall skinny and he had a necklace with the name shay encrusted in diamonds then she realized who he was Shay. The Shay was pounding on her door.

"Oh I'm sorry I wasn't thinking it was that loud. I'm Jude" she said.

"Shay" "Yeah I know" she smiled.

"Of course you do who doesn't know who The Big Shay is? Her smile fell and she looked confused.

"What are you talking about? The Big Shay? I just was referring to your necklace" His smile left his face. "Haha just kidding how would I now know you are Shay Mills hip hop moguls nephew and rapper who has been number one on the charts several times." he laughed.

"Haha girl you had me there." " You should have seen the look on your face it looked as if someone had killed your cat"

"So what's the big Shay doing in this small apartment building?"

"Well I'm staying here until the renovations are done on my new apartment."

"Haha lol should have known you could stay in a place like this with us lesser folk"she said with a smile.

"You know besides the annoying angry girl music you were blaring you seem pretty cool. We should hang out sometime."

" Yeah I'd like that. Well I am pretty amazing so it's no wonder you're requesting my presence."

"Well I'm throwing a party tonight in my apartment, just some cool people hanging out. I'd like you to come"

"I'd be delighted" she said smiling back at him.

"Cool. Well I have to bounce so I'll see you later"

Oh my god I have a date with Shay!

AN: What about Asheliee?


	18. Ill never leave you You hear me never

Jude got ready for the better for the party she was tired of feeling sorry for herself she just needed a drink! She was wearing a black spandex mini dress so short if she bent over it could be a shirt. She was wearing black legging under it she looked hot is she said so herself. She went next door and knocked. Shay answered the door he looked her up and down then smiled.

"Dang girl you sure clean up well"

"Thanks you don't look too bad just kidding haha" they smiled and he lead her inside.

There were many people there most she had never seen before some were music hot shots but Jude wasn't star struck or anything she had seen plenty of famous people plus she didn't care too much for them anyways.

"Want a drink?"

"You kidding i've been itching for one since I walked in!"

"Haha well here's the bar I'll be back in a second I have to go talk to some people" she nodded and he disappeared into the crowd. She walked to the bar.

"Hey I'll take the strongest thing you got"

"Not surprising" she turned to see the bar guy from the club.

"Oh my god not you again! What's your name again Spiderman?"

"Spiederman actually nice to see you again drunky"

"I haven't even drank anything yet!"

"Not YET. What's your name anyway drunky?"

"Quit calling me that! And it's Jude if you must know Spidey"

"Its **Spiederman, **Drunky"

"You know what that's it you want me to kick your ass?"

"Hah please you'll probably just pass out and end up in a different bed tomorrow!"

"Fuck you!"

"I'm truly surprised you haven't yet!" she slapped him across the face as hard as she could manage. He put his hand on his cheek.

"Ahhh fuck you have a mean backhand. I take that back you might be able to kick my ass!" she laughed and smiled at him.

"haha yeah i've actually had 8 years of karate. I'm a certified blackbelt"

"Huh I don't wanna see you at the end of a dark alley"

"Listen I know we didn't exactly get off on the right foot but you seem okay" some guy approached.

"Hey man your shifts over you can leave but feel free to stay if you'd like" he nodded.

"Actually I was going to get out of here wanna come?" she smiled.

"Yeah sure I was getting tired of this party let me grab my purse"

She walked over without looking where she was especially going an ran in to someone.

"Oh sorry I-" she stopped mid sentence when she saw who it was Tom Quincy with a blonde with even less clothing then Jude.

"Jude"

"Tommy"

"Hey Jude you ready to go I-" he stopped when he saw her talking to someone.

"Yeah lets go"

"Who are you tommy asked?"

"None of your business Tom" she said flatly.

"Since when Jude what are you going to go with him and get raped again? Or better yet make sure your drunk at least you won't remember it in the morning" Jude's eyes teared up more with each word he said. Speiderman saw this and punched Tommy directly in the nose, breaking it.

"Dick! How dare you treat her like that? Come on Jude" she left with him. When they had reached the elevator he looked at her.

"Jude I'm sorry about punching him I-" he broke off his sentence when she enveloped him in a large hug.

"I've disliked you ever since I met you and then we decide to make up and you turn out to be the nicest person in the world. What did I do to deserve you? I'm sorry for being such a bitch but I've just been so...scared" she said crying into his shoulder.

"Shhhh it's okay. Jude you're a good person just on the wrong path."

"You're all I have Speid please don't leave me" she cried.

"I won't Jude never. You hear me Jude I will never leave you no matter what"


	19. They're delicious! Well so are these!

Jude woke up in an unfamiliar room. At first she thought she had gotten drunk again then she remembered everything with Speid and Tom. She sighed Tommy was a complete jerk and Speiderman was soooo nice and he had let her stay at his house. She didn't deserve him. She was slowly destroying her life and she wouldn't bring him down with her. She walked into the kitchen where he was.

"Hey thanks for yesterday I shouldn't have put that on you."

"It's okay no harm no foul"

"I'd like to repay you though with breakfast you hungry?"

"Am I ever! It's a good thing you're paying the bill because no way could I afford all the food I want to order."

"Good thing I'm getting a job soon then!"

They exited the place and drove to IHOP. They sat down and both got orange juice. Then Jude ordered Strawberry pancakes while Speid ordered blueberry pancakes, eggs, sausage, bacon, and chocolate pancakes.

"Mhmmm these are yummy!"

"Dude you should of got chocolate chip ones they're way better"

"Agreed but I thought I'd try something else guess I'll eat them next time" she reached over and got a bite of his chocolate chip pancakes.

"Ughh I miss those!"

"Well they're mighty tasty" he said rubbing it in her face. She gave him a glare.

"Jerk"

"Just telling the truth. They're delicious" he said. She grabbed some pancake in her hand but he didn't see it.

"Well so are these!" and then she through a big gob of strawberry pancake in his face. She burst out laughing. He gave her a look and then grabbed the syrup.

"Speid no don't you d-" then he squirted it in her face and rubbed some in her hair.

"Speid!" Just then a guy came up to them.

"I think I'm going to have to ask you to leave you're making a huge mess and aggravating the customers." Jude and Speid pulled the pancake of of themselves and realized trying to get the syrup off was useless. Then they went and got in the car.

"Think they'd give me a job there?" she asked half heartedly.

"Doubt it"

"So where we headed?"

"My place I can not go around all day sticking to things" he said.

"Drive away then."

They arrived at his house and went inside.

"There's the bathroom there are towels in there and soap in junk"

"Thanks" and she went to take a shower. He had the sweet smelling strawberry shampoo. It took awhile to get the syrup out but once it was out she was very relieved. When she was all squeaky clean she dried off and got dressed.

"Hey showers free"

"Thanks"

He left and she went to the tv and turned on MTV. She was watching a Kurt Cobain video when Speiderman walked in.

"Oh I love this song!"

"Me too Smells like Teen Spirit is an awesome song"

"Definitely dude" They watched eagerly. When it was over a Shay video came on and they both grimaced. Speid turned off the tv.

"So... you wanna talk about yesterday?"

"Not really. Do I have to?"

"Yupp as a matter of fact you do"

"Fine what he said was wrong. End of story" she stood up and walked to the kitchen.

"Was it true? Not the drinking part but the other part?"

"Yeah it's true I was raped" Speiderman went up to her and gave her a hug.

"Its going to be okay Jude"

"I really cared about Tommy I thought he wouldn't hurt me but he did but it's all my fault"

"How is it your fault"

"I rejected him when he wanted to go out with me. I just don't want to be in a relationship right now. Then when he saw you yesterday he got the wrong idea yesterday. Why was I so stupid why did I have to stop and talk to him?"

"You're not stupid he was your friend and if he was a true one he would have taken the rejection like a man. Instead of trying to hurt you."

"You always know just what to say. Thanks" His cell phone rang and he picked it up.

"Hey oh yeah sorry I forgot. I was hanging out with a friend. Yeah a friend, I have other friends. Whatever I'll be there and like 30 minutes. Chill dude I'll be there bye"

"Well I should probably get going besides it seems like you have somewhere to be"

"Yeah I do, but if you're not busy you could come too. My band and I just have practice"

"You're in a band?" she asked astounded.

"Yeah it's called Speiderman Mind Explosion my friends Wally and Kyle are in it with me. You probably think it's lame or something though"

"No I definitely don't think it is I live and breath music"

"Oh well cool dude you wanna come? You could watch"

"Hmmm yeah sure it sounds fun"

"Well lets go then" they walked to his car and he drove them. They ended up at the rehearsal space.

"So this is it the rehearsal space. Where us dude rehearse"

"Hence the name haha" she said.

"Exactly" they entered into the building, went through the elevator, and inside a big steel door. She saw a blonde guy with emo like hair sitting at the drums and a guy with wavy semi long hair on bass.

"Hey guys this is my friend Jude"

"hey" they both said they both gave her the once over and sent Speiderman a questioning look.

"Okay lets get started. 1-2-3!" Then they began to play.


	20. lets just drop it anyone want pizza?

They were spectacular I had no idea what they were playing but they were great. None of them sung or it didn't appear that way. They stopped playing and looked at me expectantly.

"You guys rocked out loud!"

"Thanks we know" they all said at the same time. We all chuckled.

"Well Harrison lets here you play"

"No I can't. I can play a little but compared to you guys I'm terrible"

"Nevertheless we could all use a laugh" Speid said. Jude glared at him.

"Nope sorry" They turned and looked at each other, each nodded, then got a mischievous grin. Then they each gave her puppy dog faces and begged.

"Please please please please"

"oh right oh right just get up"

She went over and grabbed Speid's guitar. She played the chords to "waste my time" but didn't sing it. When she was finished she looked at them. There expression ranged from dumbfounded, mildly surprised, and confusion.

"So...?"

"Well you did better than you give yourself credit for but you could use some work to be as good a player as me" said Speid. She glared at him.

"Lets hear you sing" Wally said.

"Nope! I'm not singing."

"Come on!" they all said. She sighed then began playing again.

"_Friends are telling me I lost my mind when I hooked up with you maybe thats true. They say that I'll wake up one day asking what did I do maybe thats true too..."_

She sang it tentatively but with bravado if they were going to laugh at her when she was finished she could at least go down swinging. When she was done she looked at them they all wore the same expression surprise. They were probably surprised to see that someone who could play guitar good could have such a suckish voice.

"I know I suck but could you guys at least say something? You know what lets just drop it anyone want pizza? I'm buying." she grabbed her coat.

"Jude you don't suck how could you ever think that?" Kyle told her.

"Yeah you rock!" Speid and Wally said.

"You don't have to lie to make me feel better"

"Were not you're amazing!" they said.

"ughh thanks" they all looked at one another.

"Dude lets ask her." Speid said.

"You sure" Wally asked

"Yeah man she rocks" Kyle stated.

"Kay" said Wally.

"Jude we want you to be in our band"

"What really is this a joke?"

"NO we really want you to"

"I don't know"

"Oh come on Jude you know you want to. You have so much talent and with are talented selves added to you we'll be unstoppable!" Said Wally.

"Yeah"

"Okay, yeah, I'll do it!"

"Now about that pizza you were buying..."she rolled her eyes and walked out the door three hungry and childish musicians in tow.


	21. Face it Jude you're just a tramp

Jude walked into her apartment and jumped on the bed. She had just got back from pizza with the guys. Wow they were a hand full. Man, could they eat she thought with a chuckle. She grabbed the paper and began searching for a job. Hmm waitress, student teacher, babysitter.

Then she saw it it was the perfect job there well at least with all the limited choices this paper had. She, Jude Harrison, would work in a music store. I mean she loved music it paid okay plus she would be there if they ever got any good records. She dialed the number in the ad.

"Hello Infinite Possibilities music store this is Jason how may I help you?"

"Hi um I saw your ad in the paper and I was wondering if the position was still open?"

"Yes it is. If you could come to the store today you could fill out an application"

"Okay I'll be there in a half hour"

"Okay I'll see you soon then"

"Yeah bye."

"Later"

Jude looked in the mirror she had to look somewhat presentable if she wanted to get this job. Her was down and perfectly straightened. She had just a hint of makeup on so she looked natural but not terrible and she was wearing dark blue shorts with a black tank top and her black big sunglasses.

She pulled up to store, she took a deep breath, and then walked in. The store was huge it had guitars, records, cds, tapes, and band t-shirts. It was amazing.

"Can I help you?" she turned to where the voice came from. The guy was around 6 ft 4 he had black hair, he was strong, muscular looking but not bulky, was about 19 and had amazing hazel eyes.

"Are you Jason?"

"Yeah that's me. And who might you be?"

"I called about the job, my name is Jude...Jude Harrison"

"Oh Hey Jude haha"

"Oh very funny"

"I try well here's the application its fairly simple you can fill out then give it to me when you're done"

Just then a customer walks in.

"I gotta go take care of him. Holler if you need anything" she nodded and he walked away. When she was done filling out the form she went to look for Mr. Sexy. Haha she already had a nickname for him. And he really was sexy I mean did you see his- She then ran into someone.

"Oh sorry I wasn't looking where I was-" she looked up and there was Tom Quincy in all his glory.

"Oh its you never mind"

"Jude! Wait up we need to talk"

"Like hell we do! After what you said to me at the party. I don't wanna talk to you" giving him the worst glare she could possibly manage. Then she turned around and went to look for Jason. She felt someone grab her shoulder, thinking it was Tommy, she grabbed his hand and flipped him over her shoulder and onto the ground. Guess those karate lessons really paid off. She looked down and saw Jason on the ground.

"Oh my god Jason I'm so sorry I thought you were someone else!"

"It's okay I'm fine it doesn't- oww"

"Oh my gosh I'm sorry"

"It's okay. Damn that was a wicked move!" he stood up and stretched. "See good as new" he smiled at her and she smiled back.

"So ughh heres this. I hope that little stunt doesn't affect where I stand with the job..."

"Of course not. Truthfully, you'll probably get it"

"really?"

"Yeah really in fact it's all yours"

"Don't you need to ask your boss, get a background check, or something"

"Actually I'm the manager here so they leave me to decide all this stuff. And you seem okay no need for background checks. A beautiful girl like you can't have done anything to have a background check"

she smiled and blushed a little.

"Sorry to interrupt but Jude I need to talk to you" she turned around and saw Tommy. She could tell from the sarcasm in his voice that he really didn't mind interrupting.

"We have nothing to talk about Tom"

"Oh yes we do. I want to apolo-"

"Apologize? Is that what you're saying? Well I don't accept"

"Jude don't be stubborn"

"I'm not! You-"

"Jude I'm going to give you two some alone time" said Jason.

"No Jason you don't have to go. Tommy-"

"it's okay" and he walked away.

"Jude I need to apologize. What I said at the party was wrong. I just saw you with that guy and snapped."

"What are you the only one who can have fun? You were there with some bimbo. So why can't I talk to a friend?"

"A friend? So you didn't have sex with him?"

"That's none of your business Tommy"

"It is too my business you're **my **girl."

"I'm not yours Tommy you gave that right up when you couldn't be here for me"

"I'm just trying to help you Jude. You need help."

"I don't need help Tommy I'm just having fun"

"Oh yeah fun. That's what I call fun sleeping with every guy you meet"

"I'm 17 almost 18 I can do whatever I want. And I don't sleep with every guy I meet"

"Wait wait wait wait your 17 as in not legal?"

"ughhh..."

"Jude I could go to jail!"

"You don't think I realize that? As usual you're thinking about yourself. What about me and my feelings? Fuck You Tommy!"

"We already did that Jude. You and half the city did that too"

"Oh you're one to talk Tom. You've fucked half the female population and some of the males"

"Hah Jude you're the bi-sexual one. I'm not having sex with people of the same gender like you."

"That's a lie"

"Yeah so nothing happened between you and Asheliee?"

"No...well"

"Face it Jude you're just a tramp"

"I'm not-"

"Yeah you are Jude. You say I'm selfish but you wouldn't even give me a chance to be with you. All you care about is having sex with everything that walks and yourself"

"I care about a lot of people Tommy"

"Prove it Jude"

"I care about Sadie, Jaime, and Kat. You're just jealous I'm not with you"

"I was jealous but not anymore. I don't even know what I was thinking"

"So much for the apology huh"

"I am sorry Jude. Sorry I wasted my time"

"Well I hope you find what you're looking for Tom, because whatever was or wasn't going on between us is over"

"Its been over for awhile. Jude you can't tell anyone what happened between us. I'm not going to jail"

"fine. It was..._nice_ seeing you Tom. Goodbye"

"Goodbye Jude"

IDK if it was previously stated anywhere but here are everyones ages...

Jude -17 as of the post of this episode she'll be 18 in 3 days

Tommy-24

Speid, Kyle, Wally- 18

Sadie- 22

Kwest-24

Jaime-19

Kat-19

Jason-22

Q&A

Will Tommy and Jude really never talk again?

Are they really done for good?

Is Mr. Sexy interested in Jude?

Will Jude's talent become known?

Is Speid really looking to be just friends?

I guess we'll just have to see!


	22. 2 can keep a secret if 1 of us is dead

Tommy left through the door and headed off to G Major.

Jude walked out the door soon after him. She had made sure to write Jason a note first though. Tears were streaming down her face and all she could think about were what Tommy kept saying in her head. _ Face it Jude you're a tramp._ The biggest problem was that she knew it all was true she was a tramp, a whore. She might as well become a prostitute at least she's get paid for it. Why would anyone ever like her?

Drugs. She needed them now. _Where could I get them, the park is 15 miles away. Tommy's house! I remember I hid them in his house! I could go get them he's at work he'd never even know. _She hopped in her car and drove to Tommy's house which was only about 3 miles from here.

She pulled up to his house and ran up to the door. First she looked under the mat for the spare key, and luckily she found it on the first try. She walked inside and turned off the house alarm. She had seen Tommy do it the last time she was here.

She ran to the bathroom and opened the vent. The drugs were still there so she grabbed them and fast walked out the door. Boom! She tripped and fell on the ground. She got up and turned to see what she tripped on. She looked down and saw a journal much like hers. She opened it and inside were the songs Tommy had written.

_Should I read it? It's an invasion of privacy but damn its so tempting. And lyrics are words from the soul. _She made up her mind and opened it to the first page. There were some of the early BoyzAttack! Songs, Frozen, and then there were some others. She opened to a random page of a song that hadn't been recorded and began reading.

(Lyrics from Shake it by Rediscover)

"_Now baby just tell me when I'll pick you up the If you'll be ready I'll be waiting"_

"Now baby just tell me when You been drinking Too much and You feel like leaving."

"_On our first date you run away And come back another day Phone tag you know I hate On our first date you run away And come back another day The head games you love to play I don't wanna play I don't wanna play"_

"_Is it my face that haunts you? And pushes you back to A corner in your bedroom Well, darling, just don't be scared...Don't act like you don't care"_

"_On our first date you run away And come back another day Phone tag you know I hate On our first date you run away And come back another day The head games you love to play I don't wanna play I don't wanna play"_

She knew the previous one was about her. She would be drinking and he would come to her rescue. On their first date she had ran away. And she probably seemed like she was scared and hiding whenever she turned him down. She started reading the next one.

_Remedy for Love (by School Boy Humor)_

_The dreams that keep me here  
are not worth it."  
Learn to love your fears.  
I'm sorry._

"These dreams that fall apart  
are not worth it."  
Learn to love these years  
forever.

This is your life.  
This is your time.  
This is the only time  
you have to make it.

The way you move,  
it's the remedy for love.  
The way you breathe,  
it's the cure from above.

"The lies that hold me down  
surround me."  
Learn to love the truth  
'cause it's perfect.

She had begun crying during the last song but this one was worse. It spoke of love and dreams and it was lovely. She couldn't read anymore so she put the book back where she found it and ran outside the house making sure to lock up and put the key back. She drove home a mess, worse then how she was when she had gotten to Tommy's.

_I wanna die. I hate this there's nothing to live for. Sadie and Kwest don't need me they have each other. Neither do Kat and Jaime. Speid has Kyle and Wally and he just feels sorry for me. And Tommy, Tommy hates my guts and I love him, I fucken love him. I LOVE LITTLE TOMMY Q! And it's a secret I'll have to die with. Who would ever love me? No one. I have nothing to live for why bother?_

Jude started doing the cocaine she had gotten from Tommy's. She noticed at the bottom of the package there were some prescription pills. She grabbed all eight of them and downed them. She grabbed her phone and dialed Tommy's number. By now she was so out of it she couldn't think straight.

"Hello?"

"Tommy. I just wanted you to know I love you but I have to say goodbye. Goodbye for good forever."

"Jude?"

But by then she had already passed out. Her body began convulsing in a seizure.

_Finally, I don't have to worry anymore. Fuck em' all..._

To be continued...

Hi guys well I hope you're interested. Big cliff note here. Who knows what'll happen besides me of course. REVIEW! If you do I'll update otherwise it could be months before I do...


	23. I need you Jude

Tommy POV

She loves me ?! That's amazing. But what did she mean by I have to say goodbye. Goodbye for good forever?

Is she going to...No! She wouldn't I have to get to her now!

I run down to my car and speed towards her apartment.

I pulled up in a matter of minutes since I was driving the viper. I sprinted inside and ran to her door. When I got there I burst through it and saw Jude sprawled out on the floor jolting every which way. I grab my cell and dial 911.

"Hello I need an ambulance at..."

In the ambulance.

Come on Jude you have to stay with me. Oh god oh god this is all my fault. She's going to die she's going to die. Tom you can't think so negatively you have to have faith. God, I finally find someone I care about and she's here dammit!

Deeeeee

"Her heart stopped breathing someone get a defibrillator now!"

"Ready 1-2-3 clear!" chzzzzit...

"God Jude you can't go I need you I do" He was crying now in tears and not silent or small but loud, heart shattering, gut wrenching sobs that would make you cry too just to see him do so. It was not like Tom Quincy cried everyday he truly loved Jude whole-ly (not even word but I got no sp ideas) if only they both knew just how much.

"I don't care if you're with all of Toronto Jude as long as you make it through this for Sadie, Kwest, and Jaime- and, and me. Jude."

"We got it beating again. But we're going to need to pump it we won't be able to do it till we get the hospital."

We arrived at the hospital shortly.

"Mr. Quincy we're going to have to wait in the waiting room until we're finished with the surgery"

"Do you think she's going to make it?"

"I just don't know. She had quite a bit of drugs. I looked over her records and this isn't the first time. But we just need to have hope. So hang in there" Tom nodded but he was too pain ridden to do much else. God, Jude how could you do this to all of us. And with that thought he went to dial Sadie.

Guys you may be somewhat disappointd with this chapter it was short, not detailed, and you didnt learn much about Judes condition. Sorry you'll have to wait about 2-3 chapters but I will be updating more frequently. ":


	24. Tom and Jude together what a trainwreck

Sadie POV-- Guys I dont get her half the time so if I do a bad job on this chapter let me know and ill fix it.

I was driving over to Kwest's house it gets really boring without Jude at the house. Even though, if she was there now I'd still go to Kwest's but look at him really, why wouldn't I? Speaking of Jude I haven't heard from her in awhile, I should call her later.

I pull up in his driveway and exit the car. The door's open so I walk right in, Kwest gave me a key in case it wasn't.

"Kwest? You home?" Kwest through the door at that moment.

"Hey babe. How are you?" He said as he gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"I'm good now that you're here" she said with a smile. He kissed her nose.

"Aw that's sweet me too. You hungry? If you want I could make you something or we could go grab a bite..."

"Yeah I'm starivng. What about Olive Garden? They have great pasta."

"sounds good to me. Let me grab my keys and we'll go." Sadie smiled things with her and Kwest were perfect.

"Lets go"

* * *

The drive there was silent with just light music playing in the background. They got to the restaurant and went inside. Kwest, being the perfect gentlemen, opened doors and pulled out chairs when they were seated. They ordered their food and began talking,

"Have you heard from Jude at all?"

"No, I should probably call her later. I'm starting to get worried."

"Me too. She hasn't talked to Jaime or Kat either." (AN: Jaime works at G Major that's how Kwest knows him)

"You don't think Tom has heard from her do you?"

"Hah doubt it. They don't seem like they'd ever be friends they're both stubborn. But Tom must have a new girl, because he has been really frustrated, tense, and then all happy. I asked him about it and he denied that he was dating anyone. You know Tom, he always wants to flaunt the girl, so it was pretty strange"

"That is strange. You think she just turned him down or something. I mean that _could_ happen. It never has but it could. I mean it would explain the mood swings. One minute, he thinks he's getting lucky the next she rejects him"

"I don't know it's pretty far out there. Tom rejected? Hah I wish I could see it"

"Me too the look on his face would be priceless" they both stare off imagining it then laugh.

"So how's work?" asked Sadie.

"ughh god it's so frustrating Karma has been so hard to work with lately. She won't stop trying to get Tom to like her. Always changing everything."

"Hah and let me guess he just ignores her? Typical Tom."

"Yeah."

"But lets not worry her tonight is our night" He leaned in and they both smiled.

"Oh really and what do we do on our night?" she said both leaning in closer.

"This..." he said and he kissed her on the lips. It was soft and sweet everything she ever hoped for in a kiss. She hoped Jude would find this one day. True love. They pulled apart and smiled.

"We should set Jude up with someone she never goes on dates."

"Yeah but who? Tom" he asked with a devious smile. She got wide eyed and looked disgusted.

"No! You wouldn't dare set those two up! He would break her heart like glass."

"hey you never know, besides I was just kidding can you imagine those two together. What a trainwreck" they both laughed. _Ring ring._ Sadie looked at Kwest a look of apology in her eyes. Then she grabbed her cell. She looked confused then opened it.

"Oh it's Tom" "Hello?" she said.

"Sadie?"

"Yeah? Listen Tom can I talk to you later I'm sorta busy here with you best fri-"

"No it can't wait Sadie. Listen, I'm at the hospital with Jude, you need to get here fast"

"What? What's wrong with Jude?" Kwest gave her a look of confusion.

"I don't know Sadie. She overdosed again they have her in surgery. Just get here"

"Okay. I'm on my way. Take care of her Tom" and then she hung up.

"Jude's in the hospital we gotta go." They got the check quick as a whip.

"Why is-"

She shook her head with a sad, frustrated, and concerned look on her face. "Overdose, again." Kwest shook his head. They ran to the car.

"I gotta call Jaime and Kat."

"Jaime listen-"


	25. Jaime never loved Jude

Jaime POV—if this is terrible let me know ill fix it!

I was sitting with Kat on my bed and we were talking about random stuff.

"No I love you more Kat"

"No you don't I've loved you longer"

"I loved you just as long I just hadn't realized it yet"

"Yeah because you were in love with Jude Harrison"

"Please I wasn't in love with her it was just a silly crush"

"Whatever you say Romeo"

"You know what I say?"

"What?"

"I say no matter what happened in the past you're the one I want not Jude." he said while leaning in and giving her a kiss. They began to make out and it was an extremely happy moment for them both.

Jaime really did love Kat more then he ever had loved Jude. He hadn't even really loved her it was just a high school crush.

_Ring ring ring_

Jaime and Kat both sighed. Jaime looked at his phone. Sadie. He flipped it open and answered it.

"Hello Sadie?

"Jaime listen Jude's in the hospital, can you get down here?" Jaime sighed what was she doing in the hospital again.

"What for this time"

"Overdose" Jaime's eyes flashed with anger how could she do this again?

"I can't come"

"what do you mean you can't? Jaime!"

"Sadie, I'm tired of having to go down there and see if she's okay. If she wants to ruin her life so much. I don't care but I won't stand by while she does it"

"Jaime-"

"I'm sorry Sadie. Let me know if anything severe happens" he hung up and turned to Kat."

"She's in the hospital again for another overdose"

"Pathetic" Kat said.

"You're telling me" then he grabbed her in his arms and held her as they drifted to sleep.

Let me know what you think. Also I have another story up its not about Instant Star but if you have the time I'd greatly appreciate you reading and reviewing :]


	26. She was a shell of her former self

Jude POV

She could hear everything that was going on around her but she couldn't move or see anything. She tried to listen for anything to prove to her that she had finally fulfilled her mission, that she was dead. She could hear voices mumbles and then she could hear sobbing. If she could do anything she would be crying she wondered why whomever it was, was crying. Then she heard the voice say "I don't care if you're with all of Toronto Jude as long as you make it through this for Sadie, Kwest, and Jaime- and, and me. Jude" she instantly realized it was Tommy's voice he was the one crying also. Her heart reached out to him. Why would he be crying he hated her. Why?

She remembered being raped she saw it flash in her mind and swiftly forgot about Tommy she didn't want to live. She could tell something was happening to her she could feel her body disappearing and her memory fading.

Tom POV

He sat in the waiting room his head in his hands praying for Jude to be okay. He didn't believe in god but if it would save Jude he would pray to the devil. He saw the doctor approaching and he rose to his feet.

"Whats the news?" he asked.

"Mr. Quincy I'm afraid to inform you that...Ms. Harrison has gone into a coma. We don't know how long this could last 1 day or 2 years. Its anyone's best bet. I'm sorry, we're going to put her on life support." Tommy closed his eyes and thanked whoever it was for giving her hope.

"Doctor what are the chances of her waking up?"

"The chances of her being awakened are 30 percent"

"There's still a chance though it could happen"

"It could. Now I'll leave you to let the new set in. Stay strong" Tommy sat back down unable to support himself from the bad news. Her chances were slim but he wouldn't give up hope.

"Tommy? How is she?" Sadie ran up to him.

Sadie POV

Tom looked up she could see the tears running freely down his face. She had never seen Tom Quincy cry and she thought she never would. Either something was really wrong with him or Jude and Tommy had been closer then she had initially thought.

"She's in a coma, Sadie. Her chances of waking up aren't good. 30 percent" he stated. More tears fell down his face and Sadie could feel her own face becoming wet. Tommy stood up and hugged her a big bear hug that she never saw coming. They cried on each others' shoulders, while Kwest looked at them sad and awkward like while rubbing Sadie's back rhythmically.

Jude POV

Then all of a sudden she was in her own body again, but not. She was halfway there. She was supposed to have died but something had saved her. She didn't want to know what she just wanted to get out. She could feel the pain all over the emotional pain the physical pain in her chest and stomach.

Why couldn't she have just died on her apartment floor. Jude tried to shut out the pain, tried to forget about it and eventually it worked she became a shell of her former self but she wasn't complaining there was no pain, no memories, no real thoughts other then I want to die. She couldn't remember why but her subconscious was telling her it was of extreme importance to her.

She struggled to remember why she wanted to die and with swift action the memories imploded her mind. Jude was instantly in pain again.


	27. Alcohol cant cure loss

Speiderman POV

1 week after Jude slipped into the coma. 

Speid was working the bar at Club Lightening. He hated this job all the people here were whores or guys looking for whores. Which made them man whores. He hated them. Jude was different though he could see in her eyes there was a cry for help she didn't want to be like this he had been calling her for days but so far hadn't been able to reach her. He saw her friend Asheliee come to the bar.

"Hey what can I getcha?"

"Shot of tequila. Make it a double" he nodded and prepared her drink. After handing it to her he decided to ask the questions that had been plaguing him.

"Do you know where Jude is?"

"No, I've been trying to call her. Wait, how do you know her?"

"She comes here all the time. Recently we became friends I'm getting worried about her. I haven't heard from her either" she nodded then added "Me too".

Tom POV

Jude had been in the hospital for one week already and had not waken up. He was scared for her she wasn't getting worse but she wasn't getting better. All he had done for the past few days was sit by her bed from the beginning of visiting hours to the end, then head home take a shower, eat, and sleep. Sleeping was the hardest he tried to get as much sleep as possible but it was hard. He hadn't attended work and had asked Darius for some time off. He wasn't happy about it but had reluctantly agreed.

Sadie had wanted to know why he was so sad that Jude was in a coma. Tommy was on autopilot he wasn't thinking as his usual lying self and had told her that he loved Jude. She began to ask questions but he ignored them all he could think about was the women he loved wasn't here with him. This didn't stop Sadie and Kwest's pressing questions for days. They figured he would answer eventually but it still hadn't happened so they had given up.

Visiting hours were over and Tommy couldn't imagine going home another night so he drove off to Club Lightening for a much needed drink.

Spiederman POV

Just then Tom Quincy in all his glory pranced through the doors and up to the bar.

"Hey can I get a scotch on the rocks?" Speid prepared his drink and handed it to him.

"Hey have you seen Jude?" he asked. Tom looked up his eyes filled with sadness. Then when he saw Speid the look was washed away and replaced with cockiness.

"Oh it's you the one night stand from the other not. Actually I have"

"One night stand? Me and Jude never had sex. If you wanna accuse someone of being with her accuse little Miss Asheliee over here. She's the one making out with Jude on the dance floor." Tom looked from Speid to Asheliee. He looked at her appraisingly then nodded at her in acknowledgment.

"Oh yeah you I heard you're a good kisser. If you want you can practice on me among other things..." he said in a husky voice.

"Sorry I'm not a whore"

"Hah! I doubt kissing is all you and Jude did"

"Stop accusing us for having sex with her when you know you're the one who did. Now where is she?" Speid said in fury.

"Oh and you I doubt you did nothing with her I know she has slept with a fair number of guys I wouldn't be surprised if you were one of them. And FYI Jude's in a coma has been for a week if you guys were such good friends instead of bed buddies you would most likely know that." He chugged the rest of his drink then left a 20 on the bar and bolted.

_What a dick. _Speiderman thought. _Man, I hope Jude's okay I need to go see her._

Authors Note:

Okay heres the deal Ive posted quite a few chapters today. I'm sorry for not updating recently but I thought Id make it up to you by posting extra as you can see. If I get 5 reviews from you, meaning only 1 review is counted per person on each chapter but that only works for the past three, I will add another 1-2 chapters by Monday.

So review!!! and read definitely read!!!!


	28. Judes not in a band oh really?

Speiderman POV

Speid had just arrived at the hospital he know Tom was there. The huge group of paparazzi outside sort of gave it away. Probably about to report that Lil Tommy Q was coming for his love child's ultrasound, pathetic.

He really hoped Jude was okay they weren't very close but he could tell they were going to be good friends. He was comfortable around her. He entered the hospital and asked the nurse what room she was in, 408.

He walked passed all the other 200's and 300's and finally found 408. Tom was sitting by her bed holding her hand, he looked broken and terrified. Speid felt like he was intruding so he knocked. Tom looked up immediately and his expression instantaneously changed to cocky.

"I see you showed up I'm somewhat surprised"

"Dude, she's my friend and the band is always there for their lead singer." He had called Wally and Kyle when he found and they had said they would show up later. Tom's face changed from astonishment to disbelief.

"Jude's not in a band. She's afraid to show people her music. Why would she show you?"

"Well on the contrary to your belief we're good friends and she's in my band. Just because she didn't wanna share her music with a lowly boy bander doesn't mean she didn't share it with us. Not like we forced her to do it."

"Whatever I doubt you've heard her music. I on the other hand have"

"The first song she played for us was hers. _"Waste My Time"_ not ringing any bells? Didn't think so. I doubt the song she supposedly let you hear wasn't meant for you to hear."

"Whatever. I'm going to get some coffee" Tom swiftly exited the room and Speid went to sit in his previous spot next to Jude.

"God, Jude what did you do to yourself. You could have came to me if you wanted help. You know I'm here for you. Not just because your part of the band but because your my friend. The only reason I was so cruel to you at first was because you reminded me of a girl I used to know." he brushed her hair out of her face then grabbed her hand. It was slightly warm from Tom holding it. He placed the yellow roses he had bought for her on the table by her bedside. During the argument with Quincy he had forgotten about them.

"Jude you gotta wake up for me, for the band, for your family, friends, for Asheliee, for Tom out there. Especially him he's a real mess you know, he tries to hide it by being an asshole but I can see it. He's always here Jude even if he is a dick sometimes I know you to care about each other more then I could ever grasp.

Its short but Ive got big plans for the next few.


	29. You ever been in love?

Disclaimer: I dont own this but dang I wish I did!

I'm so terribly sorry it has taken me so long to update! Forgive me?

Speiderman's POV

I sat by Jude's bed with Squinty Frown. It was awkward he was just staring at Jude and holding her hand so I tried to break the silence.

"You really care about her don't you?"

"That's none of your business"

"Sure it is she's my best friend and I want what is best for her" Tom snorted.

"What's best for her please. You just want a good lay" Speiderman looked him straight in the eye fiercely.

"Don't talk about Jude like that. She isn't like that"

"So she didn't screw half the city?"

"No she did. But I seem to recall you screwing half the world. Plus, after what she has been through you can't blame her for that"

"I don't blame her for that. I blame the guys who took advantage of her"

"From what I remember you were one of those guys"

"How would you know?"

"I worked the bar, plus Jude told me" Tom looked away to hide the guilt in his eyes.

"Look, man, I can tell you care about her. I bet if you changed your ways and actually tried to be there for her. She would be with you in a second."

"Changed my ways what ways? As much as you'd hate to believe this I'm actually a nice guy" his voice was raising unnoticed by him.

"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. Your fuck every girl alive ways."

"I don't fuck every girl alive! I'm a one girl man now!"

"Yeah. What about Jude? Huh? If you were a one girl man. Why did you have sex with her no strings attached? Huh?" Speiderman was getting angry with his lies.

"Jude's different. When I saw her across the room she looked so sad but she was so beautiful. I went up to her to find out was wrong maybe to help her. To see her smile. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. I just wanted to make her happy. Her smile lit up the room her laugh was like music. When I realized sex was all she wanted I gave it to her, I hoped it would make her happy. But when I saw her almost crying afterwards, I felt immense guilt. I tried to make her happy and I make her cry. What kind of worthless piece of shit does that?"

"It wasn't your fault dude. Jude had just went through a rough spot. I can see how much you love her and the way she talks about you I know she loves you too. I wish the two of you wouldn't continuously hurt each other. But that's love. If you can get through all the dark and dreary days for that one person and they can too. Then your meant to be."

"You really mean that?" Speid nodded. "I thought you hated me?"

"I did but if Jude's happy with you then I am too"

"You really believe all of that love stuff you just said?"

"Yeah I do" Tommy nodded and looked thoughtful for a few moments.

"You ever been in love?" Tommy asked.

"Yeah once. She cheated on me multiple times and one time attempted to with my best friend. That was like a year ago. She moved to London last month, thank god."

"Sorry about that man"

"It's okay. I'm over it" They both looked away from each other. Shocked they had just had a moment. Tom felt Jude's hand twitch. He looked at her to see if she was awake. Her eyes started blinking.

"She's waking up" Tom said with joy in his voice. Her eyes blinked a few more times before she opened them and observed her surroundings. She saw Speiderman and Tom and gave them both a lazy smile.


	30. like she was his lifeline

Jude POV -During Spied and Tommy's talk

I had been stuck in my empty carcass for what felt like eternity. I had tried so hard not to remember or feel anything but it was inevitable. Every once in awhile I could hear what other people around me were saying. A lot of times I didn't wanna know what they were saying. Like yesterday when I heard Sadie crying. I don't wanna hear that. Like today when I can hear Spied and Tommy talking.

"What's best for her please. You just want a good lay" She couldn't see Speid's face but she assumed he would be pissed at that.

"Don't talk about Jude like that. She isn't like that" She hadn't know him long but she could he was trying to control his voice but there were still traces of venom in his voice. She was happy that Speid stood up for her. But it hurt that Tommy really thought that about her.

"So she didn't screw half the city?" She could feel the knife in her chest that Tom Quincy was slowly pushing in to her chest.

"No she did. But I seem to recall you screwing half the world. Plus, after what she has been through you can't blame her for that" If she could of she would have smiled at the screwing half the world part. Flashes of memory appeared in her mind at the notion of that night. She felt more immense pain throughout her.

"I don't blame her for that. I blame the guys who took advantage of her" They didn't take advantage of me I took advantage of them.

"From what I remember you were one of those guys"

"How would you know?" I told him.

"I worked the bar, plus Jude told me"

"Look, man, I can tell you care about her. I bet if you changed your ways and actually tried to be there for her. She would be with you in a second." Ha! He doesn't care about me. What a load of bullshit. This must be a dream. Speid would not be stupid enough to think Tommy cared about me for real. If he really cared he wouldn't say any of that stuff he did.

"Changed my ways what ways? As much as you'd hate to believe this I'm actually a nice guy" Please, we all saw the thousand skank barbies you date.

"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. Your fuck every girl alive ways." Waita tell him Speid!

"I don't fuck every girl alive! I'm a one girl man now!" Please. Yeah right.

"Yeah. What about Jude? Huh? If you were a one girl man. Why did you have sex with her no strings attached? Huh?" I could feel the anger coming from both of them. Speid made an excellent point though.

"Jude's different. When I saw her across the room she looked so sad but she was so beautiful. I went up to her to find out was wrong maybe to help her. To see her smile. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. I just wanted to make her happy. Her smile lit up the room her laugh was like music. When I realized sex was all she wanted I gave it to her, I hoped it would make her happy. But when I saw her almost crying afterwards, I felt immense guilt. I tried to make her happy and I make her cry. What kind of worthless piece of shit does that?" She could tell there was pain and truth in what he said and her heart broke a little for the love of her life, her enemy, her reason to bite the dust, her other half, her Tommy Quincy. She loved him and put him in this pain how could she. She was doing exactly what she accused him of doing. Killing her inside, breaking her heart.

She wasn't listening to much of the rest. She was thinking about how she wanted to live. With Tommy by her side. Forever. Why die alone? When you can live with amazing people who care about you?

"You ever been in love?" Tommy asked. Jude hear this and listened for the answer.

"Yeah once. She cheated on me multiple times and one time attempted to with my best friend. That was like a year ago. She moved to London last month, thank god." She was surprised and her heart went out to Speid.

"Sorry about that man"

"It's okay. I'm over it" She knew Tommy most likely couldn't hear it but she could hear the sadness in his voice. She had the sudden urge to throw her arms around him and pull him into a tight embrace. Suddenly she felt like she was in her body again. She tried to open her eyes and when she opened them she saw two of the people she cared about the most standing in front of her. She gave them the best smile she could in her tired state. She then remembered what she had heard just seconds before and her eyes flashed to Speid. She noticed he was in touching distance so she through her arms around him and hugged him as tight as she could.

"I'm sorry Speid. She doesn't know what she's missing" she whispered in his ear so no one but him could hear it. She felt his body move in surprise and then he hugged her tighter like she was his lifeline.


	31. SORRY

Im so so so so sorry!! I have not updated and I apologize! This story is going on hiatus! If I get enought positive reviews and I will continue the story with a brand spankin new chapter!! SO get at it!


	32. what youve been looking for

Disclaimer: I dont own instant star!

Hey guys I just wanna say thank you too all my readers! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed because I love you to pieces special thanks to: Temporaryinsanity91, Nisha80, Jenn6891, larydreamer, torturedbutcute, Cross My Heart X Hope To Die, and latrese. Your reviews make me just wanna write more in this story even when I feel like I've hit a wall.

I also know I said I'm going on hiatus and I am I just felt it would be right to update first! It's short but...I hope you enjoy it.

Tom POV

Jude woke up my Jude the Jude who told me she loves me. Whom I love back with all my heart. So...why is she hugging Speid? I mean she loves me and after what I just said about her which I hope she heard, why doesn't she hug me? I love her! Yeah I know I'm jealous but she's mine! I wish she'd just let go of him already doesn't she realize I'm right here?

Jude finally releases her hold on Speid she turns to Tommy suddenly shy. She goes to give him a hug, which she really hopes won't be awkward.

She's gonna hug me! But she hugged him first. How long have they even known each other for? One day? Her hug is warm and I wanna hug her forever but I know I can't. I can try though right? I hear Speiderman mumble something about getting a soda and then he disappears out the door. They finally disentangle from their embrace.

"I missed you Jude. I'm sorry about everything I said to you. It was all lies, I was just angry."

"I know you didn't Tommy. I'm sorry for, well you know..." she gestures towards the room.

"For trying to kill yourself" she nods.

"Yeah. It was really stupid"

"Tommy, when I get discharged....do you wanna get dinner? I think we have a lot we need to talk about"

"I'd like that Jude" she smiles at him and resumes her spot on the bed.

"So who do I have to kill to get a cheeseburger around here?" she asked with amusment.

"Hmm I doubt you want the nasty hospital burgers. They attempt to call food. So where do you want it from?"'

"Burger King!"

"Burger King it is. Be back in a few"

"Tommy! Thanks...for everything. I don't know what I'd do without you" he smiles and exits the door.


	33. Tommy Q is quite the charmer

Disclaimer Nothing in this story belongs to me.

The day after Jude left the hospital.

Jude hadn't spoken to tommy since she'd gotten home. She was anxious and scared. She really cared about him and she knew he loved her she didn't want to ruin that. Jude had never been in a relationship like this before. Or any relationship at all for that matter, she was afraid she would screw things up. She always did.

But after everything she had realized she could die tomorrow. There had been a lot of near death situations lately. It was time to stop being passive and go out there and make her life happy. Picking up the phone she dialed his number. Her heart beat quickening with the ringing of the phone.

"Hello"

"Tommy. Hey its Jude"

"Oh hi Jude"

"Listen I was wondering if your not busy do you want to have dinner. Well even if you aren't busy you don't have to. Not saying that you won't be because you're Tom Quincy. Of course you'll have something to do...I mean"

"Jude chill. Of course I'll go to dinner with you" a large smile broke out on her face.

"Really? Great! Pick me up at 7?"

"Sure"

"Bye Tommy"

* * *

It was 6:30 and Jude was still stressing over her date with Tommy. The last one didn't go so well. Which was not helping to quell her fears. She had decided on a black dress that went to mid thigh. It had silver trim on it. Her hair was down wavily and her make up was done to the "t" but she couldn't help being so god damn nervous. She decided to drink a beer to put her at ease.

Twenty minutes later she was feeling more calm. There was a knock at her door and she knew it was him taking a deep breath she opened the door. There was Tommy with a dozen roses at her door. He smiled at her and said. " You look beautiful"

"Thanks. These flowers are really lovely" she said with a light blush. Jude took the flowers from him and went to put them in a vase. After doing so she turned around and looked at Tom. He was watching her with a spark in his eye. She realized she had been to busy looking into his eyes to notice that he was wearing a sharp black suit with a navy blue tie.

"You look rather handsome." he chuckled. He walked towards her until he was barely an inch away and in a soft velvety voice that made her knees weak he said,"You look absolutely gorgeous".

Then he kissed her cheek and stepped back. Jude knew she was blushing after that. Oh, what he did to her. He held his hand out to her and she took it without.

"Shall we?"

"We shall" she said with a happy smile.

Sorry it's short I'll write soon! R &R!


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